Lesson #27

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1. Books.

I love books with all my heart.

Whenever anyone asks me what I like to do, the first thing I always say is reading. I could read [with periodic naps] all day every day for the rest of my life. Unfortunately, I am in school and so I never get to read as much as I would like, but it never stops me from reading at least one book a semester. And, of course, I devour books during the summer.

I decided I wanted to share the top 10 books everyone on earth should read. These are not necessarily my absolute favorites, as I tend to enjoy thick and difficult books. All of these books/authors, however, remain near and dear to my heart.

In no particular order:

Their Eyes Were Watching God by Zora Neale Hurston

Warning: the language in this book is a little hard to read. You kind of have to talk out loud to yourself because she writes phonetically. However, I really admire Zora and have always enjoyed her work. She was one of the shining authors of the Harlem Renaissance, and for a good reason. This book is superb. Then again, I've always loved books with strong female leads - take this into consideration when asking me for recommendations.

Peter Pan by J. M. Barrie

This book is as magical as any movie adaptation you have happened to see. If you're looking for a really good, quick read I highly suggest this one. How Barrie thought of it all, I will never know.

A Tree Grows in Brooklyn by Betty Smith

My grandma once begged me to read this book and, reluctantly, I did. I cannot believe how much I loved this book. The way Betty draws you into these characters and makes you so emotionally involved is thrilling. Really. Read it.

Persuasion by Jane Austen

I know, I know. You probably don't like Jane. You might detest the movies based on her stories or think all her books are about love. Well, you're wrong. If you've ever read Jane's books, they are not as romantic as you think. They are actually quite satirical and very critical of the way women are treated in her society. Also, you've probably never even heard of Persuasion, so please read it. It might just be my favorite one of her books.

The Princess Bride by William Goldman

I'm sure you all love the movie. Well, guess what. The book is better. Always. But seriously, this book is HILARIOUS and the movie left out half the story. If you're looking for a good laugh and an easy read, this is the ticket.

The Good Earth by Pearl S. Buck

I might be the only person on the planet who absolutely loved this book, but I don't care. I thought it was amazing. There is something about the way Pearl writes that makes me never want to put the book down. If you're feeling up to the challenge, I really suggest this book (it's the first of a series, if you're feeling adventurous).

The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins

Though these books aren't really of any literary merit, this series is one of the more addicting stories ever written. If you're looking for something that could be easily finished in a week or less, this is the series for you. Be careful - it's kind of graphic.

Cold Sassy Tree by Olive Ann Burns

Growing up my mom always told me this was her favorite book. It wasn't until high school that I actually read it. It was excellent and a really interesting story. I really don't think you'll be disappointed if you take the time to check it out.

To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee

I don't think anyone in America was allowed to graduate middle school without reading this book, but I highly suggest reading it again. It's a classic but genuinely good. Also, it's pretty short so that's always a plus.

The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas

Confession: I haven't finished this book yet. I'm actually currently reading it and I'm about halfway through. It's amazing and so addicting. It's pretty thick, so beware. But it is so worth it. I'm pretty sure even when I get to the end I will still be the biggest fan ever.

I had a really hard time making this list, but I hope it gets you started on your reading adventures.

What are your top 10 books that everyone should read?

Lesson #26

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1. Women.

That's right. I'm stepping on the feminist soap box.

Let me tell you something about the culture I live in. It mostly consists of women (at the age of 19) and men (at the age of 22) getting married and having lots of babies and living happily ever after in their little 1950's world. So naturally, this being our most important objective in life, a university is created to facilitate the process of getting these young folks together in one place so they can meet and fall in love.

You can disagree with me (a lot of people do), but it's basically created an environment of everyone sizing each other up as their eternal mate. I feel like guys have some sort of a checklist they carry around and if you say one thing wrong like "I actually really like gay people" they immediately cross you off of their list. Fine by me, you homophobic.

SO. Me, being more of the independent/"I want to have a career"/I'm a democrat type, I've been crossed off of several lists. Or maybe all of them. Do I care? Hell no.

I have a problem with the system. I have a problem with these expectations and stereotypes I'm expected to fill. Doesn't anyone else? I think this sort of life is wonderful for people who really do want to live that way. I just wonder how many people out there feel obligated more than they feel the actual desire.

At least there's me, one of the misfits. So I would like every boy on this earth to know that saying,

"You are so lucky you're a woman. You can major in whatever you want because you'll get married,"

IS NOT OK. And the last boy that said that to me got a talkin'-to.

I AM A WOMAN. I have hopes and dreams and goals that I will achieve because I want to! No man and no religion will EVER pressure me into filling societal roles and expectations. If I get married it will be because I WANT TO GET MARRIED. If I have children it will be because I WANT TO HAVE CHILDREN. And damnit, if I want to stay at home instead of work then it will be because I WANT TO.

For the record, boys, I hate Sarah Palin. I want to have a career and change the world. Oh, and I don't want to live in America because it's a little too capitalist for me. So please do me the favor and check me off of your lists right now. I'd rather just be your friend anyway.

Lesson #25

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1. Gratitude.

Since it is the month of our blessed holiday of eating unholy amounts of food, and I probably won't blog for a while, I decided it would be appropriate to write about gratitude.

Recently I volunteered at a fundraiser for Sustain Haiti, the group I went with to Haiti (obviously). One woman started asking me a lot of questions about what we did, how our projects are doing, etc. Then she asked me a weird question.

"With all you saw in Haiti, the way people lived and such, did you come back to the United States thinking 'I have too much stuff! I need to live more simply!'?"

My response? "No."

She was quite taken aback. This response doesn't surprise me too much. That's what people are supposed to feel, right? After seeing people living in filth, barely able to feed their kids (let alone seek medical care when they're sick), I should feel guilty about how I live in the States, right?

Nope.

Of course I am more grateful for what I have. Clean tap water had never seemed more precious to me and I loved that I could turn on all the lights in my house if I wanted to. But no, I don't feel guilty for the things I've been blessed with. Of course, this is all within boundaries. I'm not one to frivolously spend money on unnecessary luxuries. I'm just as poor as the next college kid. But I'm sorry, I'm not going to waste the resources living in this country has blessed me with. I will live in a house with running water and electricity. I will eat lots of junk food when I'm depressed. I will use a computer and have an ipod and a cell phone. I will go to the doctor when I'm sick. And my someday family will have these things too.

I don't know why I was randomly selected to be born where I was or to be raised in the family I have. I am ridiculously lucky and I know that. And for this reason I will not sit around idly. I will use my good fortunes to bring good fortunes to others. That's it.

I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving and remember to think about those less fortunate this holiday season.

Lesson #24

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1. Beauty.

I learned in my anthropology class a bajillion years ago that the idea of beauty is universal. Every culture has their own idea of what makes you beautiful and people take great care to adhere to these customs.

What I want to know is who the HECK made up the rules?

I'd like to hold someone responsible for making me wear makeup, dress in clothes that show off my curves, curl my hair, and shave my legs.

Now, I'm sure some of you are going to pull a "well you don't HAVE to." That is where you are wrong. No, no one is physically forcing me to curl my eyelashes. But I have this subconscious idea that is embedded into my DNA that I have to do what is expected of me to feel worth. If people don't find me attractive, then I'm not. I wish I was strong enough to not care, but I do realize that society is based on this idea. If I want a job, I have to look appropriate. If I want people to treat me with respect, I'm much more likely to receive it if I don't show up in a sweatshirt and unshaved legs.

As living proof of this, just look at my college dating experiences. Before wearing makeup = 2 dates over 2 years. After starting to wear makeup = ...more dates...maybe 10...over a 10 month period. I know, I'm a loser even with makeup. But come on! Don't guys appreciate girls that are comfortable with their natural selves?

I'm done. Watch this.

Lesson #23

Today's Lesson Objectives include:

1.) Group projects.

Let's just cut to the chase and admit that group projects are the worst thing ever invented. You would think that in college they would a little bit easier to coordinate, but it is a lie. I feel like it's worse in college.

In high school, the smart people to idiot ratio was ridiculous - it had to have been 3 idiots to every semi-intelligent person. It always seemed like I was doing a project all by myself and putting everyone's names on it. But in college we're all supposed to be smart. Now it's a ration of 3 lazy people to every person who actually cares.

I understand that group projects are supposed to help us prepare for the real world because that's what we'll mostly be doing in our future careers. Yet I think professors are forgetting something...IF I AM GETTING PAID TO DO SOMETHING, OF COURSE I'M GOING TO COOPERATE WITH A GROUP. In college, some people could care less about their grade, thus jeopardizing the group and their grades.

Please just let us pick our own group. Please.


2.) First dates.

Let's just say it.

First dates suck.

And first dates especially suck in the LDS culture.

Here's a breakdown of how it happens:

Step #1: He asks her out.
He notices her. He tries talking to her. He fails multiple times. He finally succeeds. He waits until the tenth time he's talked to her to finally ask her out. Or ask for her number. If the latter, he takes him much longer to finally work up the nerve to ask her out.

Step #2: Thinking of the activity.
This one is tricky. He doesn't want to pick something lame but he can't bring out the big guns yet. Oh no, that's for the second date. He contemplates a group date, but really he just wants to be with her. He finally settles on bowling and frozen yogurt - always a safe choice, he thinks.

Step #3: Picking her up.
This can be made awkward by several situations. He has a hard time figuring out where she lives. He walks in to only have to spend two minutes with her scary roommates who won't stop staring while his date finishes getting ready. This of course includes him practically hugging the door, half in and half out of the apartment. When his date comes out, he chooses not to comment on her dress but really to just start running away.

Step #4: Judging/activity.
The next 3 hours is spent asking questions, telling jokes, and starting to get to know the date. This is also what we call torture. Another term, more commonly used, is judging. 3 hours of judging. This is especially in evident in LDS culture. All that's going through his mind is, "Can I spend the rest of eternity with her?" With their potential marriage on the line, 95% of girls won't make it to the second date.

Step #5: The drop off.
This is the most crucial part of the whole experience. It is in this moment that he will find out if she wants some more. He walks her to the door, making weird small talk, and finally arrives at the destination. This is it. They both acknowledge that they had a great time. Hug. She leaves.

Step #6: Analyzing.
Now he will spend the next 2 days analyzing what had happened. "Did I have a good time? Should I ask her out again? She did say she wanted a big family... Was she interested?" And then, of course, he will probably chicken out. Thus the cycle starts again with the girl he sits next to in spanish class.

Lesson #22

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1.) My [informal] complaint letter to the makers of Frosted Mini Spooners.

Dear creators of Frosted Mini Spooners,

I love your cereal. I really do. I actually prefer it to the name brand, so consider that a complement. BUTTTT....

I really feel that you should take better care to frost ALL of the mini spooners. And when I say frost I mean really frost it. Frost it like you frost your grandmother's Christmas cookies. Frost it like Frosty the Snowman frosts his tiny town. Ok, I'm sorry for setting the record on the number of times "frost" has been used in a letter and also for all the Christmas references, but I'm being serious.

I must tell you my utter dislike for mini spooners that aren't covered in sugar. It's basically a mouth full of wheat. In fact, it IS a mouth full of wheat. I don't know about you guys, but when I was young my mother, in order to punish us for saying bad words, used to shove handfuls of wheat in my mouth. No, not soap - that was too traditional. Wheat. So, while trying to enjoy your product, you are making me have terrible flashbacks to the times when I sinned, therefore undoing all of Jesus's work to help me get over it.

Yes, I'm comparing you guys to the devil. So please, frost those spooners.

Sincerely,

Lesa

ps. I'm lying about the wheat-in-the-mouth thing.
pss. I take back the apology about Christmas.

Lesson #21

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1.) The 3rd wheel.

I think that's my official title. The 3rd wheel. The extra girl that never has a date but we'll bring her along because she amuses us.

What I really want to get at here is that there is nothing wrong with being the 3rd wheel as long as the couple is behaving themselves. So here are some ground rules I think these couples need to go over before inviting a friend to join them:

a. Don't be affectionate. I'm pretty sure there's nothing worse than sitting across the table from your friends watching them snuggle and kiss and hold hands. This will bring up one of two thoughts, namely "Wow, I am a loser. Why the heck am I incapable of securing a date for the evening?" or more common for me, "Do I look like that when I'm kissing? Sick." But usually it just turns into, "I'd rather be doing homework."

b. Be actively engaged in conversation WITH THE 3RD WHEEL. It's soooo annoying when the couple has their own side conversation, leaving the 3rd wheel to feel completely and hopelessly awkward.

c. If the 3rd wheel has volunteered to drive, don't you dare sit in the back with your lover. Doing so has subjected your friend to feel like the chauffeur, thus contributing to the dislike of being around you two.

I would say the most important rule would be...

d. Don't invite a third person.

The end.

Paris!

Mistake #1: Going to the most romantic city in the world by yourself.

Paris is gorgeous. There's so much to do and so much more to eat. The Eiffel Tower is a lot bigger than I had previously thought, the Catacombes were really weird, and I saw some of Van Gogh's work with my very own eyeballs. While I'm trying to convince myself that I am so lucky to be in Paris and see things people only dream of, all I can think about is sharing it with someone special - a boy I like, my friends, my mom. I think it would have been so much better if I would have brought a friend or met my lover or made Caitlyn come with me despite her protests of being too poor.

Mistake #2: Not doing the 2 things I really cared about.

The first thing I wanted to do was buy a baguette or chocolate or a crepe and sit down by the Eiffel Tower while eating my delicious snack and staring at people. This is a modified goal from the previous one of wanting to get into a baguette fight with one of the Olsen twins while on a french boy's shoulders. Seeing as the latter is a tad bit impossible, I thought I'd change it. So simple, and I didn't even get a chance to do it!!!
My second goal was to buy a penis baguette from the gay bakery. Self-explanatory.

Best decision ever #1: Not entering the Louvre.

Maybe people will hate me for this, but I quite honestly don't care a tiny bit that I didn't actually go in. I was perfectly fine with taking my picture by the weird pyramids and moving on.

Best decision ever #2: Not swimming in the Seine.

Wasn't planning on it, but seeing the water confirmed my dislike for gross things.

...

SO. Paris was good. I did many things. I would like to go back with someone, preferably a lover. French bread is good. The end.

Lyon

Lyon is one of the lesser-known places in France, yet it's the third largest city. I guess it makes sense since most people associate the country France with the city Paris, and when you ask them to name other cities the only ones they can think of are port cities like Marseille or Nice.

Yet somewhere in the middle of this beautiful country there is a fairly large city named Lyon, which I would say is the french equivalent of San Francisco - there are many large hills and hippies that dot the landscape.

In all of my french classes that discussed culture, they stressed two things you must do when visiting so as not to stand out - don't smile and dress nicely. When I arrived here, I was trying very hard not to smile despite my pure bliss. Yet almost every person I pass on the streets here will smile at you! I don't even look at them and I can hear a "bonjour!" and as I look over they are giving me the biggest smiles while holding their tiny dogs. Their choice of wardrobe is as surprising as their smiles. I saw a lady today wearing a flower pattern shirt and a plaid skirt. That is the biggest no no in the history of fashion, yet here is a seasoned french woman displaying her insane choice of patterns. I couldn't help but smile at how relaxed and nice everyone is here in Lyon. I feel a tad overdressed at times, which is huge for someone like me.

Everything here is ancient, which makes it so beautiful and romantic. I absolutely love visiting the old cathedrals and sitting in Vieux (Old) Lyon, just taking it all in. The parks here are spectacular, as you could imagine, and the food...where do I even start?! FOOOOOOD. Oh goodness, I could write a million blogs about the food. I promise I will gain 50lbs while I'm here. Oh! And I must mention the part I absolutely adore about this city because I'm a huge history buff - so Lyon was the center for the French Resistance during WWII. This was largely due to the secret passageways between buildings that the fighters used to escape the Nazis throughout the city. These passageways still exist and only a small percentage of them are marked, so it's kinda fun trying to find the other ones by opening random doors you'll see on the street. I don't know why, but I just love that.

I could go on forever about this city, but I'm sure you're already bored. I leave for Paris on Monday and I'm terrified that I won't like it because I'm pretty sure people don't smile there and they dress really nicely. But if you've been there, do you have any suggestions on what I should see?

la France

I did it.

I finally made it to the country of my dreams.

The only problem...? I've built France up in my head so much that I made it this wonderful, classy place in my imagination. I made it here only to find that I love it so much and I've convinced myself that I need to live here. This is a problem since I'm supposed to live in Africa someday.

Now let me explain. I'm not in Paris, and I'm convinced that it's the reason I love it here. Granted, it is only my second day, but there are hardly any tourists (none of which are American that I've seen), everyone thinks I'm french, and I had chocolate for breakfast this morning.

Lyon is gorgeous. It really is France's best kept secret, and I hope it stays that way. Also I'm planning on dropping out of school and staying here so if you want to visit please let me know.

See ya never.

Lessons from Haiti

If you ever plan on going to Haiti in the near future, I recommend preparing yourself. Here is a list of all things Haitian:

1. Sweat. It's everywhere. You can't escape it. Bring lots of extra clothes - you'll soak through at least 2 outfits a day.
2. Haitian women don't wear bras. Yikes.
3. I thoroughly recommend bringing a gun to kill all the annoying dogs and roosters that make too much noise while you're trying to sleep.
4. Mangoes = diarrhea and rice = constipation. Eat a healthy mix and your poop will be fine.
5. Shorts. Highly recommended, but with a hefty dose of bug spray.
6. I hate stupid Americans that don't know what development is or how it should work.
7. Haitian kids are the cutest things on the planet and they deserve so much better then what they have.
8. Watch out for those Haitian men, ladies. They will creep you right out of the country.
9. Learn creole. They really appreciate that.
10. The food, the water, the driving - just don't think about it. You will survive as long as you pretend everything is normal.

The one major thing I personally learned from this experience is that I want to do development work for the rest of my life. I don't see how my life could be any more fulfilling.

Hey you!

Mmmmmk.

So much has happened in the past week. I have no idea where to start....?

Well, can I say that Haitian kids are the cutest things ever to grace the planet. And I'm not just saying that because I love Haitians. They are soooo cute and they love white people. Every time we walk down the street kids come out of nowhere yelling "Hey you! What is your name?" That's pretty much all they know in english. Then they proceed to follow us down the street, sometimes holding your hand or sometimes clinging to your leg. I went to 2 orphanages last week and I wanted to cry. You know those commercials where they show really sad kids with bugs in their eyes and big bellies from malnutrition? EVERY kid in the orphanage looks like that. Some are better than others, but it's usually one person in charge of like 50 kids and it is so hard for them to care for all the kids. Also there are reported to be 1 million orphans in Haiti and I can guarantee they're not getting the love or attention they deserve. On the plus side, we had a pretty intense soccer game at one of the orphanages - yes, they kicked our trash. Hard core.

Every morning we teach english for free to whoever wants to come. 2 weeks ago there were 30 people. This week there were over 100! I love it. And speaking french comes in handy because I can definitely help out as far as explaining things. Also all the boys love to tell me how pretty I am. It's awesome.

All the girls in my group look freaking gorgeous all the time. I'm going to kill them.

It's still really hot, except apparently I chose the right time to come to Haiti because it's their rainy season and everyday there will be a short time when I'm cold - I will never take that for granted again.

I take bucket showers. It's totally legit.

I hope you're all still alive and kicking. Eat lots of carrots and handburgers for me. Also drink out of the faucet.

Haiti!

I guess my life lessons will be postponed for a bit while I use this blog to update everyone about my life in Haiti...which will be full of life lessons. Don't you worry.

I can't believe I'm actually here! And goodness gracious it is sooooooo hot. So hot. And humid. I am slowly being melted. But I absolutely love it. A few things so far:
1. I'm trying to take as many pictures as possible, but it's kind of difficult. It's really offensive to take pictures of people I don't know - very degrading. I'm trying to make lots of friends so that next week I can take pictures with them!
2. All the men here are in love with me. A lot of it has to do with the fact that I speak french. Most white people here don't speak any french or creole and I think it's really frustrating for them. Which reminds me! I do a lot of translating, but I really wish I knew creole. It's more widely spoken and I think it would mean a lot to them.
3. These are the happiest people I have ever met. Seriously. They know how to make the best of their condition for sure. They're always laughing and joking and are thourougly amused by our attempts at creole. Kids will run down the street and literally jump on you, laughing and having a great time.
4. It is FREAKING hot.
5. No, the rubble is not gone. It's everywhere. And almost everyone lives in tents. You might feel a little sympathy if they weren't so freaking joyous all the time. People are doing what they can but most of the rubble is cement and where do you dump that?

I have a million more things to say but I can't think of anything.

I love all of you and I'm having a great time here!! If you have any questions just comment. We do so much here I just really don't have the time to write it all down. Until next time!

Lesson #20

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1.)Dying your hair.

I've been dying my hair since I was 16. Actually, that would be a lie if you consider the occasional highlights I would get before the age of 16. In any case, dying my hair is one of my favorite things to do even if it means my hair will fall out by the time I'm 30.

Let's go through my many transformations:

Age 16, right before the big change.


It's kinda hard to tell, but my natural color is dirty blonde. And no, I do not dye my eyebrows.


Age 16


I'm quite aware that I am not 16 in this picture, but this was the color of my hair when I first dyed it. My boyfriend had recently broken up with me, and part of my coping therapy was dying my hair. It was Hannah's idea and my mom cried when she saw me the next day. She really liked my blonde hair and I have no idea why.

Age 17-19


I decided to go blonde-ish again, mostly because I was super lazy and didn't want to have to deal with dying it all the time. Half way through my freshman year of college I decided to go a little darker again. But then...



Age 19-present


BAM! I decided to go red. I had no idea if I could pull it off but I was super bored.




I guess the reason I'm even bothering with this post is because recently a boy commented that he isn't attracted to girls that dye their hair because he likes girls who appreciate what God has already given them.

...I have something I'd like to say to you, boywhomustnotbenamed.

Firstly, I hate to bring it up, but you were attracted to me before you found out I've been dying my hair for quite some time. You know why? BECAUSE I LOOK FREAKING GOOD. Secondly, I would LOVE for you to find a girl in America who has never dyed her hair, never plans on dying her hair, or has never considered it. This includes ANY sort of coloring - according to you, it's unnatural and not a good quality for a woman to have. Thirdly, what is so wrong with a girl wanting to feel beautiful? If I feel more confident and sexy walking out my door with brown hair as opposed to blonde, gosh darn it I'm going to do it!

Last but not least, change is the best therapy. Or at least welcomed change. I think guys underestimate what a new outfit or a new haircut or new makeup does for a girl's self-esteem.

To be honest, I don't know why I'm doing this post because I don't have to freaking explain myself to this loser.

SO, the lessons to be learned are:
a. Love yourself.
b. If you have never dyed your hair, I highly suggest trying it.
c. Boys who wouldn't date you because of your hair are not worth your time.

Lesson #19

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1.)Kids.

I guess being a woman somehow gives people the assumption that I'm a kid-person. It makes sense I guess, since [most] women tend to be more loving, gentle, kind, and nurturing...then there's me. Don't get me wrong, I think kids are great, but they're not necessarily my cup of tea. I'm positive that this piece of information will surprise lots of people, since I've spread the word that I want a big family (which is as true now as it ever was).

To be honest, I prefer kids before the age of 2 and after the age of 13. Babies are great. They can't talk and they're easy to entertain. And they're adorable! Teenagers, however stupid they can be, are people I really like spending time with. I remember all of those people that helped me when I was young and whiny and they have truly shaped who I am today. It really means a lot to me to be a good influence in the lives of struggling teens.

Well, my mother decided to help me out and get me a job for part of the summer. I guess she thought she was helping me out but really it's torture. Yes, I watch little brats all day. The best part is, they are all between the ages of 5 and 13! Perfect. They love hanging on me. Like literally, clinging onto me for dear life. I hate being touched by anyone, let alone dirty children. All the girls like to grab my hair and immediately start tugging or braiding or stroking it. I'm scared I'll find peanut butter in it one of these days. The worst part is, they all seem to love me but they have a very hard time following directions. No wonder I got this job so easy.

Among all the little people (there's over 100), there are only 3 kids I like.

Kid #1: He is adorable. He is always smiling and reciting his multiplication tables and telling me about the solar system. He told me he wants to be a movie director, paleontologist, and a computer scientist. We were playing a card game and I was losing so he kept giving me some of his cards saying, "you deserve it!". Yesterday he asked me why I'm so pretty all the time. I've never felt more special in my life.

Kid #2: He is such a trouble-maker, but I guess that's why I like him. It's always interesting with him around. He knows he's cute and uses it. But secretly he's a really good boy. I sat and talked with him for awhile and he is quite hilarious. Also he stinks at staring contests, but he's always challenging me to them. I love it.

Kid #3: She is one of the older kids, so I definitely get along with her much more easily. We've had several discussions about Harry Potter and Twilight and she feels that I understand her more than the other counselors because we're both so nerdy. She really reminds me of myself when I was young - she doesn't socialize with the other kids and she's always off to the side reading. We are misfits for life.

I seriously can't wait until this job is over. Does anyone have any suggestions for me as far as surviving these next couple of weeks?

Lesson #18

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1.) Mumblers.

One of the many frustrating things in this world for me is mumbling - I just can't stand people who don't know how to open their mouth wide enough to let real words come out. Maybe it's because I have such a big mouth and I constantly use my "outside voice", but am I really crazy for demanding people to speak more clearly?

Here is an example conversation (based on a real one):

Me: Hey! How is it going? I haven't see you in ages.

Mumbler: Oh, I'm good. You?

Me: Perfect. What have you been up to lately?

Mumbler: Well, not too much...asdlkfjweknfasd;lierfnalskvjnde;ginwjkdjnslkgjad;lkfnsdlckjdfvnefklsdkja;dlfjkasdflkj.

Me: ...mmk it was nice seeing ya!

These conversations only get worse when you're forced to talk to chronic mumblers over the phone. I feel like I'm constantly saying "What? I can't understand you. Try opening your mouth and talking into the phone. I can't make out your throat noises." What really sucks is that everyday I have to speak to a mumbler in French. Yet not only is he a mumbler, but he has a Creole accent on top of his Quebecois French accent. No, I can never understand what he says. Yes, I do avoid him at all costs. I could go on and on with this subject but let's get to the point:

a. Learn to speak.
b. Try increasing the volume.
c. Don't EVER talk to people on the phone.

Lesson #17

Today's Lesson Objectives include:

1.) Hideous blog layouts.

Yes, I know the layout for my blog is totally gay. I have no idea how to fix it, so until someone shows me you're going to have to read my [mostly] sarcastic commentary with an extremely girly and possibly immature background.

2.) Teachers that can make or break a class your education.

I am currently studying the french language. No, I am not fluent. Yes, I do suck at it. HOWEVER, I love it. It's a curse really, loving something you're not very good at. C'est la vie, n'est pas? I've unfortunately had the opportunity to speak with two of my french professors in the past 4 months that have each asked me if there is another major more suitable to my strengths. It really hurts having people, especially professionals in the field, not believe that you can do it.

These wonderful encounters with each of the professors reminded me of a most beloved choir teacher in high school. Not only did she personally not like me, but she made it clear that she didn't believe that I had what it took to excel in music. I kept trying to tell myself not to listen, but her attitude towards me affected me deeply. It didn't matter that I had sang in prestigious choirs or that I received extremely high scores from judges at competitions - she didn't believe in me, and I in turn couldn't believe in myself. Since then, I have regrettably given up on my music and the dream of singing professionally. I continue to sing, but mostly in the kitchen while I cook.

When I fell in love with french, I was super nervous because it isn't something that comes as easily to me as music does. So to have not one but two professors, on top of my apprehensions, tell me that I should study something different was really not the best thing for me. It was then that I thought back on what had happened to me a few short years ago and I realized something - I can do it. I should do it. And yes, I will do it.

So suck it Mrs. N. Je ne vous ai pas besoin.

I'm gonna learn the freaking language. Once this is accomplished I'm going to change the world. After that I am going to write a book about my experiences and I will dedicate it to those who didn't believe in me - without you guys, I would never have pushed myself so hard to be where I am today.

Lesson #16

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1.) 16 things that make me happy.

I, like so many other people in this world, am not a naturally happy person. I don't smile unless there is a good reason to, I don't laugh unless I feel it's necessary, and I have rarely felt that sunny warmth of happiness when I am alone.

I was inspired by Katie Sokoler's blog to create this entry. She's always blogging about these really fun, cute things that always brighten my day. I rely on so many different things in my life to get me through the day, and I thought that sharing them might help others who are looking for a little ray of sunshine on a cloudy day.

16 THINGS THAT MAKE ME HAPPY:

my faith

my family

my friends

daisies

lazy Sundays

singing at the top of my lungs in the car

a really good book

bacon

pretty umbrellas on rainy days

wearing pretty dresses

music

peeing in the shower

french

taking naps

watching old movies while eating ice cream

Nebraska thunderstorms

(my heaven)

What makes you happy?

Lesson #15

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1.) Dementors.

For all of you avid Harry Potter fans, I thought I would make reference to dementors. It's only appropriate to speak of these happiness-sucking, depression-causing creatures during finals week. Let's sum it up in 5 words:

Finals are synonymous with dementors.

While procrastinating my studying yesterday, I came across a clip from the movie Invictus with Morgan Freeman (who looks EXACTLY like Nelson Mandela. Like they're twins.). In this particular snippet from the movie, Mr. Mandela was reciting a poem that helped him survive incarceration. The name of this poem, coincidentally, is called "Invictus." It goes as follows:

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

This of course inspired me to write words of encouragement to all my fellow college students. Ready?:

You can do it!

Yay for getting good grades!

Just kidding! Passing is good too!

Just because you failed doesn't mean you fail at life!

Exclamation points should always make you feel better!

It's ok, Jesus loves you.

And gosh darn it guys, you are the captain of your soul! So don't you dare forget to use the Petronus charm to finish your finals and save your soul.


ps. I'm sorry to all of the BYU students who have taken their finals already. I know without my words of encouragement you most likely failed and have no soul anymore. That's ok. Jesus still loves you.

Lesson #14

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1.) Blasphemous professors.

I was fortunate enough to take a class from a very confused old man during the last few months. It really has been quite the adventure. Somewhere between him claiming that he was really supposed to have been born in 1872 in Germany because of a dream he had and his moving stories about throwing sticks before he hurt his knee, I was struck with an idea - I need to have a dream explaining why I prefer nature to modern (and distasteful) industrial life. I mean, if his dream explained why he felt like he never fit in with technology and why he prefers wearing wool vests with wooden buttons, then surely God would give me a dream to explain why I love nature and soaking up the sun for hours and lathering mud all over my feet!

So, of course, I did dream about how I was supposed to have been born a tree in 1753 in Canada. I guess the angel with the list (who may or may not have been my roommate) forgot about me and the only place that was left for my spirit was in the body of a girl born in 1990 in the US. She had to live in Nebraska, which is the reject of all the states, but the angel promised me that there would be lots of trees so I would feel at home. I jolted awake from my dream [that happened to take place while I was fully conscious] and I ran around for joy. Finally! My strange tendencies to roll around in mud and turn green were explained! I was supposed to be a tree!

Thank goodness my professor was able to open my eyes and help me to realize my true potential. For our last class together today, he dressed up as the man he was supposed to be (authentic wardrobe and everything) and was able to be "in his element," as he put it. He inspired me to do the same - tomorrow I am going to stand in the park, drink water through my feet (not as easy as it looks), and photosynthesize. I encourage all of you to find your real self by dreaming about who you were really supposed to come to earth as and chase your dreams, just like me and my professor. Don't forget to share your special revelation with everyone you know and even those you don't!

Lesson #13

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1.) Setting your sights too high.

I find it very ironic and also slightly creepy that this lesson is the unlucky number of 13, as today's lesson is derived from a very long month of being on a very unlucky roller coaster. Let's just say that I've learned 2 pertinent things from this bumpy and very awkward ride:

a. Don't pick a roller coaster you can't handle.

b. If you do, buckle up and prepare to throw up when it's over.

Roller coasters are very fickle. They're never sure what direction to take so they just let the track lead them until they end up spiraling down a large hill headed for disaster. Yet somehow they manage to make it. They coast into the gate, relived it's all over and back to normal. What about the passengers, you might ask? They love the ride. They think it's great. They have total confidence in the roller coaster that it knows what it's doing and where it's going. Then that great big mountain of a track comes. The passenger can see the drop but can't stop from falling down. Panic is manifested in the silent screams as they plummet to the bottom. Yet they too, make it out ok...but slightly more terrified and permanently damaged as compared to the roller coaster. Many passengers end up having trust issues with other roller coasters for the rest of their lives.

The moral of that very clever and highly intelligent analogy is this: roller coasters suck. They really do. But I keep riding them. I probably will for a really long time. So will you. And I guess someday we'll find a roller coaster that doesn't make us want to cry or make us feel nauseous. When that day comes, I'll most likely be at Disneyland. And it will most likely be the teacup ride.

Lesson #12

Today's lesson objectives include:

1.) Wanting to die.

Recently I've become a victim of annoying myself past the point where it's allowed.

You know what I mean, right?

That feeling where words are flowing out and you feel like you really shouldn't be saying those words but for some reason you keep going until you reach the point where you really can't stop or backtrack = my life at the present moment.

I have been officially annoying myself (and others - they too are included in this cycle of death). It's disgusting. I've been involved in some conversations lately that I just wish had never happened, or at least not the parts where I babbled about absolutely nothing and then proceeded to relay all the information that has been stored in my brain; this information includes but is not limited to what I learned in class on a particular day, my deepest darkest secrets, and what I think about the current political situation in Haiti.

I might also add that it doesn't really help when you're trying not to make a fool of yourself in front of a certain someone, yet this is still accomplished because for some reason you're going through a "why am I not shutting up?" phase.

I guess this lesson we've learned here is:

a. Learn when to shut up.
b. If you feel like you might be annoying, you probably are.
c. I use way too many run-on sentences.