#WhyTheyAbuse

In case you’re willingly blind to the feminist happenings of the world at the present moment, which unfortunately is the current state for so many of you, allow me to invite you to the conversation of a movement that is [rightfully] receiving a lot of attention:

#16Days of Activism against Gender-Based Violence 

As some of you may know, I am currently employed at a domestic violence* shelter that services a large metropolitan area, so this particular facet of gender-based violence has become of great interest to me. I have always been extremely passionate about women’s rights (duh) and dismantling the evil of patriarchy, and having the opportunity to work with and for the women in my community is an incredible learning experience that I believe has enabled me to become a better feminist.

*Domestic violence has been defined as "a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. [It] can be physical, sexual, emotional, economic, or psychological actions or threats of actions that influence another person."

This new experience has also allowed me to tune in even more closely to the conversations addressing domestic violence issues, most of which seem to be heading in a productive direction. There are, however, still some lingering problems that I believe are born of the patriarchal subconscious. I would like to address one of them.


With statistics as high as 1 in 3 women experiencing domestic violence at some point in their lives in the US and 35% of women worldwide (that's over 1.2 billion we're talking about), we've got an extremely prevalent and rarely addressed problem on our hands.

Perhaps you’ve heard of the #WhyIStayed hashtag trend, or seen brave women such as Ms. Steiner explain the dynamics and consequences behind women who find themselves in domestic violence situations with people they once loved. You’ve maybe wondered why on earth women like Janay Rice decided to go ahead and marry her abuser, or pondered about what you yourself would do in a similar situation (though I’m sure your hypotheticals would do you no good if you found yourself such an environment).

The thing is, when we talk about domestic violence, our society at large seems to forget* an extremely important part of the problem: the ABUSERS, the majority of which happen to be men. 

*[I would also like to add that a very significant number of men have experienced  or will experience domestic violence as well, which adds a whole different dynamic to the conversation of things we forget about or ignore when addressing violence. I would love to write more about this later, but in the meantime you can read more about male victims of violence here.]

We have created a culture that blames victims so effortlessly it’s a little scary. Women are seen as rude for not being flattered by street harassment. Women are at fault for sexual assault because of what they were wearing. Women are stupid for staying with their abusive partners. How has the conversation turned toward the victim so easily? How have we been missing the one vital mark of the entire incident, that SOMEONE HAS CAUSED HARM AND WE HAVE WRITTEN THEM OUT OF THE DIALOGUE? 

Let's change the conversation. No person in a domestic violence situation needs to explain to the world why they stayed or justify their [misguided] love or have physical evidence that they were “truly”being abused, which is unfortunately a tragic reality for so many victims. 

Let's instead demand that every single abuser must be accountable for and face the consequences of their actions. Let's help them to understand and seek the necessary counseling they need so they never hurt again (can we get a new #WhyIHurt hashtag trend to replace the #WhyIStayed??). Let's provide more trust and assurance to victims who are already scared for their lives and well-beings. Most importantly, let's identify patterns of violence in our communities, in our families, and in our own lives and intervene before it takes a turn for the worse.

And that includes all of you, men of this world - grow a pair and finally stand up to your dude friends who make inappropriate or violent jokes about women or rape or harassment of any kind. It starts with the actions or thoughts that are painted as "harmless," and it can end with the people around you taking it seriously. 

Please watch this video, it will change you life. Especially you, men.

And then check out this website for more awesome information on a program that has proven to significantly reduce violence in communities across the US by empowering people to stand up to and change patterns of violence. 




Stay classy, folks. And remember, you CAN do something about it.

Guest Blog Post: 4 Ways You Can Have a Major Feminist Impact on the Men in Your Life

Alright. It's been a while, I know. I've been busy coming up with lots of excuses for why I don't take the time to enlighten the world anymore, but I'm too lazy to share any of them. So I'm sharing something my friend wrote instead!

Whitney was one of my companions on my mission in Germany, and besides being pretty great she also happens to be a really talented writer. In fact, she champions her own awesome blog with her husband about their writing escapades. So when she asked if she could write something "feministy" for my blog*, the immediately answer was something to the effect of, "YES PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE." 

*I would like to add that I claim all responsibility for inspiring her feminist dreams. 

I hope you enjoy - feel free to share your thoughts and hopes and dreams below!

..................................................

4 Ways You Can Have a Major Feminist Impact on the Men in Your Life

A few days ago, I asked my husband if he considered himself a feminist. “No” was the simple answer.

“What do you consider yourself, then?” I asked.

“I don’t consider myself anything. I just think that men and women should be equal and it’s a simple, reasonable thing to expect.”

As much as we agree on so many things about how things should be different in society, he plans to go without a label. He goes without a label because as Lesa has once pointed out, “feminism” is a new-age F-word to people who don’t quite understand the term or the people using the label. He doesn’t call me a feminist, either. He just calls me his equal.

So, to my fellow sisters and members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I’d like to share four ways you can help your guy friends—in and out of the church—realize that they’re probably feminists too; they just don’t realize it yet.

1. Don’t Lecture—Share

John M. Gottman, author of The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, knew when communication between spouses were a bust just by a tell-tale sign he calls “stonewalling.” He basically says that sometimes two people fight so much about something, that one person has a dramatic monologue and the other person doesn’t even bother arguing anymore; they disengage.

If you want to be a good influence on men or women, you can’t let them start to disengage. A way to do this is to have a two-way conversation, rather than a rant to finally hash out all your frustration you have against society on one poor person.

Guys don’t like to be lectured to, especially about feminism. If you need further proof, just check out #NotAllMen. Guys know that men mistreat women, and being blamed for all those mistakes is not something they can champion for you.

Instead, share. Have a conversation. This would mean that you’re sharing your thoughts about a subject, and you ask for his opinion. He’s allowed to have an opinion, right?

He’s going to realize at one point or another that he really does agree—that might not be until he’s got a little daughter of his own. Give him the benefit of the doubt; he needs to hear what it’s like to be a woman to really understand the daily ways he can show more respect to women. However, you can’t be responsible for changing his world in a day.

2. Don’t Divide—Show Your Support

Rather than hating on all guys, show how you personally value priesthood holders in your life. If you really believe in equality, look out for their rights, too.

They have to get “the talk” about porn, missions, and being temple-worthy just as much as we are pressured to get married, have kids, and dress modestly. How would you like sitting in a white shirt and tie and be lectured at for an hour on pornography or masturbation? They understand us more than we think.

Feminism has become so vile in the mouths of men (and women), because it plants the idea in their minds that by being a feminist, you must hate all men, or put them all on the same level as vile, untrustworthy, and incompetent. Well, we know that’s not true.

We can show legitimate support for the men that hold the priesthood—not merely because they hold the priesthood, but because they are mortal men trying to be worthy of the power ordained of God. They want to use their authority to bless their families and their community, so why not give them the confidence they need to do it?

3. Don’t Complain—Offer Solutions

It’s hard being in your 20s and all of a sudden, a world of hatred, misunderstanding, and injustice is unfolded before you. What’s a woman to do? I highly doubt that what I do will ever change the whole world in a day, but I know I have a small realm of influence that I can slowly improve with much more time.

If you feel like the women of the gospel could use a better example, why not be one? If they need a more fulfilling role in the ward you’re a part of—ask your bishop what you and the sisters can do. Find the boundary between what is gospel and what is "just the way things have always been” and help where you can actually help change something.

In essence, you can preach to your brothers in the gospel or nonmember friends until you’re blue in the face about what needs to be changed—but unless you have legitimate solutions or suggestions, it’ll only sound like ranting. Rantings give men the invitation to start stonewalling, and at the end, no one wins.

4. Don’t Get Mad—Get Spiritual

Instead of being upset with the fact that you can’t change others, be at peace, knowing that you can change yourself. Don’t let others bastardize your beliefs or testimony.

General Conference has come and gone. Who has enlightened you to recognize what you can do to change, and give you that power to change?

You can be a catalyst for change. Just don’t let it consume who you are and what you believe. As in, if you spend too much time devoting time trying to change other people, it will lead to a lot of frustration and self-doubt. I had a lot of that on my mission, trust me. People change when they want to, and on their own terms.

Trying to Be a “Good” Feminist

There is a famous logical fallacy called fallacy of composition, or basically thinking that what is true of a part must be true of the whole group. That would be like high school friends thinking that you had three moms. They heard one story about polygamy and thought it applied to everyone.

While this is considered a bad way to argue anything, what if men and women thought Mormon women were kick-ass and spiritual because they knew you? The media seems set on how they view us as women—subservient or whiny—and they don’t seem ready to change their minds. If that’s not who you are, then you can influence the people around you by your testimony and your genuine personality.

Know that Heavenly Father gave you a beautiful mind and spirit; He trusts that you will create small victories in this world to bring people closer together and hopefully closer to Him and His love. 

Whitney, a BYU graduate, is a writer, editor, and Pinterest addict. She claims that she realized she was a feminist in Germany as a sister missionary. Germany can do interesting things to the heart. 

You can find details about her current writings and obsessions through her website: witandtravesty.wordpress.com

"Hey, baby!" and other awkward moments.

Man staring at me while I was filling up my car at a gas station: "Hey, baby. Why don't you smile? You're sexy, I bet I'd like your smile."

Me:  --->

                        

Anyone who thinks we don't need feminism or that we're "past it" should try being a woman in public. I can promise you that every woman I've met, whether she claims to be feminist or not, has experienced some form of sexual harassment. On the street, in the workplace, at school, even at home, I repeat: I have never met a woman who hasn't experienced some form of sexual harassment.

Sexual harassment is "unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favors, and other verbal or physical conduct of a sexual nature." This can include various levels of offense, including cat calling, unwanted touching, sexual assault, and even whistling. The UN has a specific list you can find here. This is of course not limited to women - men can be and often are the victims of sexual harassment as well, though the majority of victims are female. Internationally, studies show that between 70-99% of women experience some form of sexual harassment at some point in their lives.

There are a thousand stories I could tell you, stories that belong to me and stories that have been relayed to me by other women. They include (but are not limited to) tales of rape, incest, cat calling, public humiliation, vulgar body motions, verbal abuse, and being stared at in a violating way. It's humiliating, degrading, and offensive. All of these stories have lead to fear, anxiety, and often depression in our lives, and we do not enjoy certain privileges, such as walking alone, day or night, without being on our guard because we're always trying to think of ways to protect ourselves should something happen. These experiences have plagued our lives, and all because we have a vagina.



I could write a book on my thoughts, but I don't have the energy. I guess what I wanted to say is that I'm just tired. I'm tired of this being a part of my life. I'm tired of hearing similar things on the news every single day and things hardly seem to be getting better. I'm tired of people making jokes or blaming the victim. I'M TIRED OF MEN DOING HORRIBLE, DEGRADING THINGS TO WOMEN. Why is this still happening? Why is it still accepted? Why are people standing by, letting it happen without saying something? Why do some find it funny? Why are people not worth more to you?


This is the part where I give you some resources. And you will do something about it.

-Hollaback: A nonproft and movement to end street harassment. http://www.ihollaback.org/
-Buy a "Cats Against Cat Calling" shirt! http://www.feministapparel.com/products/cats-against-catcalls-t-shirt-tanktop-profits-from-this-shirt-go-to-hollaback
-Watch this documentary about Anita Hill: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JN8FDRIy-LE

Any other suggestions?



  

On being a doubting Christian.

"I like your Christ. I do not like your Christians. They are so unlike your Christ." - Gandhi





Anyone who knows me is fully aware of my brash personality. I almost always feel comfortable stating exactly what I'm thinking, I am not easily intimidated, and I have carefully developed very, very strong opinions. Though somewhat unconventional, I have come to really appreciate this about my personality.

I didn't always like this about myself. I was often meant to feel ashamed of having such a "strong" personality, and I was often told if I didn't keep myself in check that I wasn't going to make friends or even find someone to marry. On my LDS mission in Germany, I felt so inadequate when comparing myself to the other sister missionaries - they were all so charming and friendly and smiley. I was sulky and blunt and sometimes rude at best, which made it hard to give the first impressions members were seeking from their beloved sisters.

I eventually came to terms with this. I grew to tolerate it when I felt like I couldn't change myself (and I was very unhappy doing so). Eventually I came to realize that not only does God love me just the way I am, He just might have given me the personality traits that are necessary to broadening His work and addressing people's needs that maybe others wouldn't have been able to do.



During my long journey in finding truth and establishing my beliefs, I have questioned the faith I have grew up in many, many times. Even when I think I "know" enough, I learn something new or think of something in a differently light that makes me feel like I need to start all over again. This is nothing new or unique, and I've addressed these concerns and issues several times in this blog.

These doubts, combined with my rather loud personality, sometimes leads to clashes with other people. Though I have often felt ostracized and hurt by people who define much of their lives by membership in the LDS Church, I would like to state that I have felt more love and concern on my behalf than hate from the people in my life, in and outside of the Church. I do, however, completely understand when people I dearly love choose to remove themselves from religion because of the opinions of a few members. It's hard to be in an environment where you feel more judged than accepted, or more despised than welcome.

Yesterday I had dinner with a friend and her brother, the latter of which is struggling with his beliefs.  We were all raised in the LDS Church and we have all served missions, and because of the balance I've found between commitment to my faith and servicing my doubts, my friend thought that her brother might be interested in speaking with someone who shares a lot of the same thoughts.  We talked for several hours, addressing all of our concerns from women in the church to blacks and the priesthood, from our love of God to our acceptance of LGBT members of our community. It's at moments like this that I feel validated in my personality, and I feel grateful that I am able to be a person that some people feel like they can talk to and sympathize with.

A middle-aged woman sitting nearby, who had apparently been eavesdropping on our conversation with her teenage daughter, suddenly stood up and made her way over to our booth. Addressing me, she asked, "So, you served a mission for the church?" Surprised, I responded in the affirmative. "Well," she smirked, "you wouldn't know by the way you talk." She grabbed her glass of water, dumped it all over me, and walked away.


I would like to address a personal note, not only to this woman, but to people in the Church who have tendencies like her.

Madame,

I'm sorry you walked away so quickly after drenching me with your water, much to the surprise of the people around you. I wanted to talk to you and tell you that I'm sorry you were so offended by my personal opinions. I'm sorry that you are so angry about a private conversation between personal friends in which I openly talked about things that are hard for me to understand, and which seem to be in direct conflict with my affiliation with the LDS Church. I'm sorry that you felt no other way to express your feelings than by assaulting a stranger.

If you had listened more carefully, you would have heard me share my testimony of God and His love for us. You would have heard me expressing the decision I've made to stay in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, despite questions that I consistently ask myself and Church leaders. You might have heard about the pain and hurt I and my friends have felt because of the actions of members. You might have been invited to be a productive part of the conversation, offering your opinions and sharing your faith as well. But most importantly, you would have realized that someone at that table is seriously questioning their activity in the Church, and your actions have done more harm than good in that respect.

I'm not quite sure what you meant to accomplish by making me feel unloved, unwanted, and misunderstood. Do you want me to stay away from church activities? Because if that's the case, I can assure you, you have fueled a fire in me that makes me want to bust open the doors of every church building in America and hug all the misfits, the marginalized, and the questioning. I will continue to attend church in order for people like you to know that not only do I belong, but so does every. single. person. on this planet, if that's what they want.

I'd like to recommend the New Testament as some light reading. It's quite enjoyable, and if you apply some of the principles the main character taught I think you might come to value diversity and learn how to love. But what do I know, I'm just a returned missionary that doesn't talk like one.

Sincerely,

Me.

Ps. These are some members of the Church in one of the German cities I served in. They weren't active when I first met them, and they were too embarrassed to come to church for fear they wouldn't fit in. After meeting with them regularly, answering their hard questions (questions that I have had to ask many times) and sharing my limited faith, they decided to come back and work towards the blessings of the temple. I just wanted you to see the faces of some of the people I loved on my mission, people who told me they were "endlessly grateful" for helping them with their concerns and showing them that God loves them regardless of their past, present, or future.

The "F" word.

Let me tell you a story.

On the last day of my mission, I traveled to Berlin to meet up with the other missionaries who were going to be flying home with me, all of which were Elders (missionaries of the male gender). Sitting in a room of the mission office surrounded by these Elders, I was more than a little uncomfortable, especially since I had been taught for 18 months to NEVER find myself in this situation. But alas, it could not be helped, and I sat there impatiently waiting my turn to have an interview with our mission president.

I'm not exactly sure how this next part came to pass, but I remember one Elder in particular, who must not be named and who I had not met previously, decided to brave the forbidden waters and engage me in seemingly light-hearted conversation. A little out of touch with talking to people of the opposite sex I suppose, he found it a perfect opportunity to tell me everything he had heard about me on the mission - every. single. rumor.

Not a minute had passed and several other Elders decided to pipe in similar feedback. Now, I'm not exactly surprised at what I heard. I knew I had a reputation for being outspoken, blunt, and lacking in basic social manners. Most Elders (and Sisters) had heard I was a "feminist," and subsequently, not fully understanding the meaning of this term, were terrified to meet me. But that never bothered me, mostly because people who had actually experienced a personal interaction with me tended to like me, or at least learned to not be offended by my presence.

But the way these Elders, people I had never met or spoken to, were talking to me about me made me feel so uneasy and, quite frankly, hurt. Every negative term that came out of their mouth was also associated with me being a "feminist," as if all feminists are terrifying, man-hating, rude liberal loud-mouths (the usual stereotypes that I apparently posses). And it hurt because I knew that this twisted image they had of me would forever have been ingrained into their souls as being associated with feminism, had they not had the opportunity to finally meet me and understand who I am and what I stand for. It hurt because they didn't understand this wonderful movement that had changed my life for the better, and they were mocking it in my presence.




Feminism has become a dirty word, my friends, and for this I am very sad.

I could go on and on about what the feminist movement really is and what's it's done for the world and blah blah blah. But you already know this. I talk about it everyday and I post about it everyday and whether you believe it or not, you are probably being exposed to feminist "propaganda" on a regular basis, even when you're not graced by my presence. And you know what? You probably agree with most of it. Let's be honest, who doesn't want a world where women are treated like human beings? The crazies, that's who. I don't need to defend the feminist movement as much as try to help you understand that if you have a brain that functions probably, you are probably a feminist too. 

The beauty of feminism is that it is really personal. Not every person who identifies with feminism agrees on every point! There's a place for everyone who desires gender equality.

I just want to tell you what feminism means to me.

Feminism has given me identity as a woman and has helped me to understand masculine identity. It has given me purpose and meaning in my life. It has given me the courage to stand up and say, "No, that is wrong." It has given me the courage to stand up and say, "Yes, this is me and yes, I believe this." My thoughts and feelings and opinions and hopes and dreams are all valid and real because I am a person and I deserve them. Feminism has taught me that I am equal to everyone, which has shaped the way I treat the people around me. It has helped me grow in my faith and helped me to understand how God sees me and who He wants me to become, and it has helped me to see what God sees in others.


I know I talk about this a lot, but I just wanted to put that out there. That is all.

To be discreet and chaste.

It's finally summer! Time to put away the heavy German winter garb, pull out my sunglasses, buy a bikini...what?

Now calm down people, I'm not buying a bikini. But the fact that you got a little worried about it is probably something we need to discuss.

Thanks to the sudden presence of the sun, it seems that everyone is getting themselves in a tizzy about one of my favorite words: modesty.

Actually I'm joking when I say that, in case you didn't pick that up. It's not one of my favorite words.

This is what the Church says about it:

"Modesty is an attitude of propriety and decency in dress, grooming, language, and behavior. If we are modest, we do not draw undue attention to ourselves.

If we are unsure about whether our dress or grooming is modest, we should ask ourselves, 'Would I feel comfortable with my appearance if I were in the Lord's presence?'

Prophets have always counseled us to dress modestly. This counsel is founded on the truth that the human body is God's sacred creation. We must respect our bodies as a gift from God. Through our dress and appearance, we can show the Lord that we know how precious our bodies are." 

All of that seems somewhat reasonable to me. I like it because it centers everything around my relationship with my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. I personally dress the way I do because I personally believe that I am showing respect to the body that God gave me...and all that jazz.

The interesting thing is that the Church gives guidelines for how we should dress. For example, we have (as women) been asked not to wear, "Revealing and sexually suggestive clothing, which includes short shorts and skirts, tight clothing, and shirts that do not cover the stomach," among other things. That's fine. I don't have any problems with that for myself. This is what I ABHOR:

1. Viewing those who don't follow these guidelines as "immodest," "indecent," or worse, as "sluts".
2. Using the word "slut."
3. Something that we discuss often in the feminist world known as "slut shaming." Look it up.

Modesty is quite often, especially in the beloved Mormon culture, equated with words like "chaste" and "pure" and "virtue." To illustrate a point, and since I'd rather not phrase it in my own words, I've collected words from a source that you probably trust more than my brain. The following quote is from the same website:

"Our clothing expresses who we are. It sends messages about us, and it influences the way we and others act. When we are well groomed and modestly dressed, we can invite the companionship of the Spirit and exercise a good influence on those around us.

Central to the command to be modest is an understanding of the sacred power of procreation, the ability to bring children into the world. This power is to be used only between husband and wife. Revealing and sexually suggestive clothing, which includes short shorts and skirts, tight clothing, and shirts that do not cover the stomach, can stimulate desires and actions that violate the Lord's law of chastity."

Bah. If that doesn't directly influence rape culture, I don't know what does.

Let's get a couple things straight.

What I WEAR is dependent upon ME and MY PERSONAL PREFERENCES. I do NOT wear "modest" clothes in order to NOT BE RAPED or NOT INFLUENCE IMMORALITY. I hear too often that women need to dress "appropriately" in order to "help" dudes not have "immoral thoughts."  Or whatever.

Listen to me, men. 

YOUR IMMORAL and OBJECTIFYING THOUGHTS ARE YOUR OWN DAMN PROBLEM. Don't you EVER blame a woman and her "indecency" for your obvious problems with sexuality.  

And to the women.

Do not let other people define your worth. Don't let them tell you that if you wear a bikini or a short skirt that you are worth less or that you are dirty or cheap. Don't let people tell you that you are "welcoming" inappropriate behavior from men or that you have just "objectified" yourself. But I do hope that you dress the way you do as empowerment for yourself, because you're comfortable in your style and in your body. I hope you don't dress for the sole purpose to receive any negative attention - you are better than that.

To quote a blog that I once read, 

"Modesty is not about what you wear, but about how you wear it."    

For more thoughts visit here.

ps. The blog title came from one of my favorite scriptures. Not. --- Titus2:5

Listen (continued).

Alright.

I promised I would express my post-mission feelings about women in the church. Avec plaisir, my friends.

I identify myself as a Mormon Feminist. No, I don't need to use this title. But I like it - it's a precise summary of exactly who I am.

I believe men and women are equal in the eyes of God. Radical, I know. This belief has fueled my passions specifically in the direction of international women's rights, but I support all movements that strive for equality among men and women.

In the context of the gospel of Jesus Christ, I believe women are equal. Within the Mormon church, I believe we have work to do. And yes, I do see them separately.

Throughout the Bible there are evidences of women as priestesses, judges, and leaders. Christ himself held women in a position of preeminence. They were present at every stage of his life - Mary his mother, Anna the Prophetess, Mary, Martha, the countless women he healed, etc. They were the last ones with him as he died on the cross, and to Mary Magdalene, a woman, he first appeared after his Resurrection. After Christ's Ascension, women played very important roles in the early beginnings of Christianity (see here).

This is a picture of the prominent leaders of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.



They are all very good people. They also happen to be all men, most of which are white Americans. I find this a bit troubling, considering that most of the members of the church are not American, and at least half of them are women.

This, as we are all aware, has to do with priesthood authority, something that women at the present time do not posses. If you have interest in reading more about the potential for women's ordination, please click here. Although I am sympathetic to the cause of ordination of women to the priesthood, my personal concerns with the church do not at present lie in priesthood ordination policies and procedures.

I am concerned that there are not more leadership positions within the church for women, even when there could be. I am concerned that prescribing gender roles can inhibit men and women from exploring their divine qualities and talents. I am concerned that cultural habits within the church promote inappropriate behaviors and discourage diversity.

I know my worth. I know that I am equal in the eyes of God. I am a proud member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

And I am not ashamed of asking questions.




Fellow Mormon Feminists:
Feminist Mormon Housewives
Young Mormon Feminists
Ask Mormon Girl

If you have any questions or comments, please respond below. I'd love your feedback.

Lesson #69

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1.) Love Your Body Day.

So. Today is "Love Your Body Day," according to NOW [National Organization for Women] Foundation. As a bored feminist, I will of course write a blog post about loving my body. Because I do.

You might remember this post I wrote a while back that basically encompasses everything that this day stands for. Twas great. However, I'm going to take a different approach today. And yes, my favorite blog did give me this idea that I am a little bit copying.

Instead of talking about how the media is a terrible influence on women and girls, or how we should learn to love how we look, I kinda want to talk about how freaking amazing our actual bodies are. Seriously though, they're amazing. So I will share with you things I enjoy that my body does for me.

My favorite things about my body...GO:

#1. I can grow a person in my belly.

Just think about it. Isn't that amazing? Even more amazing is the fact that my body can squeeze that tiny person through a space that reeeeeaaally can't fit a head right now. Promise.

#2. Pain.

I don't know if you've really thought about it like this, but pain is your body's defensive mechanism. It lets you know when something isn't going alright so you can catch the problem early. If you break your arm, the pain restricts you from moving your arm too much because your body knows that you need to keep it still. Without pain we would all be dead I think. At least I would.

#3. Eyes, ears, mouth, and nose.

All those things provide my senses, and I thank God everyday that I have all my senses. I can watch beautiful films, I can listen to moving music, I can taste delicious [french] food, and I can smell autumn.

There are a million and one things I love about my body, and a couple things I tell myself I could live without. But seriously, what a gift. We are so lucky.

Plus, I can ride a bike! In France no less.

I'm sorry for the lame picture. It's the only picture I have of me moving. Sad, I know.

This post is part of the 2011 Love Your Body Day Blog Carnival

Lesson #68

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1.) EMOTIONS.

Ok. This post is dedicated to my brother because he HATES my blog, especially when I write about politics. But poo on him because a.) he reads my blog anyway and b.) I love pissing him off.

Lots of crap has been blowing up my phone phone [not a typo, if you don't understand GET WITH IT] with political and social chaos lately. It's ridiculous. And IT'S MAKING ME GRUMPY.

I love lists. Let's start.

#1. Apparently Mormonism is a cult. Mormons aren't "christian" either.

I would first like to say that I DO NOT ENDORSE MITT ROMNEY IN ANY WAY. However, all this crap about Mormons is ridiculous. I shouldn't even have to defend my church in this case because a.) I reeeeaaaaally don't believe somebody's religion should play any part in this and b.) the guy creating all the fuss is a close-minded IDIOT. So move on, peeps. There's nothing to see.

#2. Occupy Wall Street is pretty darn big now and I think people are jealous they're not involved in all the action.

I've heard a lot of criticism of the movement, but I, for one, am fully behind the idea they're trying to get across to the public. Does that surprise you? Of course it doesn't. But since a lot of weenie whiners out there are "confused at their objective," let me show you a cool graph. I know you love plain and simple pictures!

Put simply, the top 2% is like 50 bajillion times bigger than the bottom 98%. Don't quote me on that. But THIS is what we're concerned about. They don't pay enough taxes. They control Congress. They are creating a social class crisis. Do you get it? Yes? GOOD.

Also, I'm going to throw this in for fun because I LIKE IT. And she is my hero.

Woot.

#3. Women, War, and Peace.

I wrote a paper on this earlier this year. I find it to be one of the most important topics that should be on the table today. So when I found out that PBS was doing a series on it, I almost peed my pants with excitement.

Women, War & Peace from Women, War & Peace on Vimeo.

I just love PBS so much. Sooooo much.

Goodnight my fools.

Lesson #65

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1.) The missing women.

The World Bank has officially released the 2012 World Development Report on Gender Equality and Development. These reports on gender equality that are produced by the World Bank or the United Nations and other similar organizations are a relatively new thing, as the phenomenon of women being treated as dirt has been barely realized in past decades as a serious matter that, if improved, could actually decrease poverty. Imagine that!

Looking through the report's fancy charts and graphs, I noticed that they've furthered research on the missing women theory. In fact, they have found that "nearly 4 million women go missing each year in developing countries." Firstly, you should understand that by "missing" they don't mean someone kidnapped them or they just up and left to live in the jungle. It means that 4 million women die each year to causes that should have been prevented.

Amartya Sen actually published an article in 1990 (linked above) claiming that there are over 100 million women missing in Asia due to sex-selective abortions, female infanticide, and unequal medical treatment given to girls. Of course this continues today, and I find it to be one of the most depressing truths about the world.

Here's the chart provided on their website:

I think it's safe to assume that most of you won't even bat an eyelash at this report. I'll tell you that I don't feel like I learned anything new from this. They've produced the same information every year. Women are dying and nobody cares. Women can't get an education and nobody cares. Things have DEFINITELY improved, thanks to those who try to do something about it. But most don't. So, if you could do me a favor and just during your day sometime pray for these women around the world, I would love you forever.

And excuse me while I go cry myself to sleep.

Lesson #63

Today's Lesson Objectives include:

1.) You only read this for my controversial topics, so I'd like to supply you with some more.

First things first: LADY PARTS

I'm sure a lot of you squirm at the thought of discussing this topic (men and women alike), to which I would like to tell you to GET OVER IT. Ladies: You have them, so stop being embarrassed about talking about them. Gentlemen: At some point in your life you will have to live with the realities of this, so stop fussing so much. SHEESH.

Don't worry, I'm not going to be "graphic." I just would like to point something out. I am a woman. Naturally, I've determined this based on my physical differences between my male counterparts. I was born this way, and I like me this way. My lady parts allow me to have all sorts of advantages, namely the ability to have babies, not get hurt when hit in the crotch with a ball, etc. So I DO NOT appreciate when ANYONE, men or women, make me feel like my natural body is gross or tainted or unmentionable.

My body is beautiful just the way it is. All bodies are. But guess what. Every month, like clockwork, I have a PERIOD. No, it is not necessarily the cutest feature I possess, but I do not hate it and I do not feel dirty when I'm experiencing it. It is not a gross thing, so STOP BEING SO AFRAID OF IT!!!!!

Second topic: PRO-CHOICE

I am pro-choice. I think I have mentioned this on a previous occasion, but I did not expand.

For those out there that don't understand this terminology, it means that I believe a woman has the right to an abortion if she so chooses. No, I would not personally choose to do so, and no, I do not advise women to do so. However, if that is their decision, I support them.

I've upset a lot of people by saying this, but I think watching this short video would help you broaden your view just a little bit. Hopefully.

As someone who studies poverty, I know that controlling the population can help tremendously with controlling poverty. I also know that some women are so desperate to not have to feed another child that if we do not legalize abortions, they will do it on their own somehow, which could cost their life.

Instead of trying SO hard to keep children in the womb, why don't we spend more time trying to keep the children that are born healthy? Why don't we try harder to provide healthcare for those women and their children? I think our priorities are messed up.

And thirdly: RAPE

I bring this up based on a conversation I recently had with someone who I deeply admire and respect. Our conversation, however, made me very upset to the point that I cannot accept what they believe in this case.

I will ALWAYS defend a woman who was raped. I don't care if she was drinking. I don't care if she was dressed "inappropriately." I don't care if she was alone at night. I don't care if she hangs out with "questionable people." If a man forces her to have sex, it is wrong. And it is not less wrong if she is a "promiscuous" person.

Perhaps there are certain situations we can avoid or certain people we can avoid to prevent such terrible things happening. But A WOMAN DOES NOT CAUSE HER OWN RAPE. Any woman who is put through that goes through as much trauma as the next, no matter her sexual history.

I just wonder if I had ever gone down a path that led me to be a woman who drinks fairly often and dresses for attention and sleeps with strange men, would my family still care about me? Would they still love me? I would like to think that they would. So despite my history or standards, if I was raped they would probably care. A LOT.

It's funny how you start to see things different when you imagine them happening to your family or to yourself. Think about it.

Lesson #62

Today's Lesson Objectives include:

1.) Reason #23,092 God made me a Mormon.

I think smoking is cool.

I'm just going to throw it out there, because all I've been doing for the past week is watching people smoke like crazy on a tv show and it just makes me wish that a.) smoking wouldn't kill me b.) it wouldn't make me really wrinkly with yellow teeth and c.) it wouldn't kill all the people around me.

I remember when I was little, my brother and I would go to the gas station by our house and buy candy cigarettes and pretend to smoke them. All I could think was "I know smoking is bad and my teachers tell us it isn't cool, but it is! Everyone who smokes looks awesome!"

Maybe I get this terrible attitude from all the old movies I grew up watching. Humphrey Bogart, Audrey Hepburn, Cary Grant, Jimmy Stewart - all my favorite actors were chimneys! For heaven's sake, look at the AWESOMENESS of James Dean:

I don't think he could get any sexier.

This is just another reason why I'm convinced God wanted me to be Mormon. My mind is so polluted with this stupid reasoning for bad things. If it wasn't for religion, I would probably have lung cancer by now. And a baby. Really, being religious has saved my life, I'm pretty sure.

2.) Rantings?!?!

So at work the other day I heard a conversation like this:

Girl #1: The only problem with my career field is that women definitely don't get paid as much as men. Everyone knows it. But there's less of us, so I don't know.

Girl #2: Ya, that really sucks. But it's just the way it is, you know?

Me: WHAT THE?!?!?!?

SO me being me (of course) I pulled aside Girl #2 after the other one had left and I informed her that she has a TERRIBLE attitude. She replied saying, "I know it's a terrible thing. But have you read the news lately about women in Afghanistan? It's awful what they go through. We're so lucky here, you know?"

I have a few points about that. Don't worry, I shared them with her too. But you all need to understand this.

#1 - The "recent" news about women in Afghanistan has been going on FOR QUITE A WHILE. I absolutely HATE when people state these things as "recent." They're very old traditions. Also, don't try to enlighten me about women's situations around the world, especially when you're just coming to found out about it (which is a tragedy in and of itself). This is what I study, think about, and talk about all day. I could talk your ear off for a YEAR about what women go through in this world.

#2 - There are terrible things that happen to people all over the world. Though "comparatively" we of the developed world have it "better," I cannot look at the tragedies of other women and settle for what we've been given. Yes, a lot of women would LOVE to be in our situations. But I'm sure that even if we pulled a girl from Afghanistan to live, study, and work in the United States, at some point she would see the injustices. She would notice she wasn't getting paid as much as her male counterparts, or she would notice that thousands of women struggle without healthcare, or she would notice that women only comprise of 13% of Congress, when we make up more than half the population. I really don't think any educated woman, despite her history, would think that was ok. And she would fight it.

We CANNOT SETTLE FOR LESS THAN WE DESERVE. Do you understand that? I REFUSE to be paid less. I REFUSE to be seen as an object rather than a person. I REFUSE to accept the fact that I am in charge of a man not raping me. I REFUSE to raise my children in ignorance.

When you settle for less, you make it harder for those who want to achieve equality. Just so you know.

Lesson #61

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1.) Body image.

As a feminist, I am constantly abhorred by all the terrible things women and girls are subject to as a result of the media's portrayal of the "ideal woman" - tall, skinny, perfect skin, beautiful hair. Women and girls suffer from depression, severely low self-esteem, and are prone to developing eating disorders. In a recent study, over 75 percent of fourth graders claimed they were "on a diet."

This is disgusting to me. Even more disgusting? Even the women we view as already perfect don't quite make the cut.

The real Faith Hill is on the left. On the right, you will notice they slimmed her arms, her back, her face, and they removed any blemishes before putting her picture on the cover of this magazine.

What kind of world are we living in that would allow this to happen? It's issues like this that led me to becoming a feminist in the first place.

Yet here's the thing - though I absolutely HATE this, I am indeed a victim of this society in that I experience low self-esteem about my body A LOT. As much as I try to talk myself out of it, I hate looking at myself naked. I get jealous every time I see a beautiful girl that I wish I looked like. I still imagine myself losing 15 pounds and knowing that life would be better if I did.

But I will say that I've come a loooooong way since taking a stand against this injustice. Becoming a feminist gave me the self confidence to look at myself and honestly like what I see - not just what I look like, but who I am as a person.

An important concept dawned on me today while I was in the bathroom. All inspiring thoughts come to me in the bathroom. While critiquing my body in a mirror, I had the sudden realization that I AM A HEALTHY WEIGHT. And I'm 99.9% sure that this is my healthy weight and I cannot compare my body to anyone else because NO TWO WOMEN ARE ALIKE.

SO. If you don't like what I look like, I suggest you stop looking at me because I'm probably not going to look any different. And I understand that although I've come to terms with this, I will definitely still have "fat days" and I will probably try at least 10 new diets. But I'm pretty ok with me. Besides, those diets are not going to last more than 2 days before I remember that I really love ice cream.

For the record, I think you're beautiful. And I think you should think that too.

Lesson #49

Today's Lesson Objectives include:

1.) Beyoncé.

Well first of all, I'm going to let you know that this is a "feminist" post. All you haters can stop reading now.

Also, before I dive into this, you should know that I love Beyoncé and her music (most of the time). I think she's awesome. So, that being said, sometimes I'm super confused by her messages. This goes for all the lovely women artists out there as well - I feel like you're creating a double-standard for women and girls.

People like Beyoncé and Lady Gaga go out of their way to say things like "be yourself!" and "love who you are!" but they send us this image:

or this one

or this one

or this one.

I'm sure the first thing that comes to your head when I put up pictures like these is something along the lines of, "I get your point, we've heard it a thousand times. They're creating an unrealistic standard for women and girls' bodies, etc." You're right. They are creating that ridiculous standard for women to become and for men to expect. But no, that's not the first thing that comes to my head.

I wonder if these women really do respect themselves. If the world didn't expect them to be sexy or skinny or tan or perfect, would they really pose practically naked for the whole world to see?

When I think of women I admire in this world, I could NEVER imagine them doing something like this. And they don't just tell girls to love themselves. They actually do respect and love themselves and their bodies, and make it a point to be modest in doing so. They expect men to treat them with respect and dignity, like a human being.

So. I'd like you to meet an alternative artist/role model. She's my new favorite singer. She's 23, British, and awesome. She writes AMAZING music.

Oh, and she's definitely bigger than a size 2. And I think she's practically perfect in every way.

Check out this music video. It's the best.

Love you guys.

ps. Did anyone see Beyoncé's new music video? Well, I have issues with it. I was going to explain all my frustrations, but this random girl did it for me. If you watch this, I'll give you a sucker.

2.) New blog layout.

Yes or no?

Lesson #44

Today's Lesson Objective today includes:

1.) Mothers.

Before I dive into today's thoughts, I'd just like to give a shout out to my mama.

She's pretty awesome, though we do have our differences. Over the years we've had some rough spots, but at the end of the day she's always there for me. I remember there would be days I'd come home from school so depressed and my mom would draw up a bath and let me eat graham crackers and chocolate frosting while soaking in bubbles. It was the best, not to mention the towel she would warm up in the dryer. It was heaven. We would stay up so late talking and laughing and by the morning I'd forget what I was so upset about. That's my mother.

Wanna know something else cool about my mother? She's a working mom. For as long as I can remember, my mom has had a job.

In church today, we listened to 3 people speak to the congregation - 2 women and 1 man. The women talked about the importance of mothers, how they've affected their life, etc. You know, typical mother things. The man, not to my surprise, decided to address mothers and their need to stay in the home and how bad it is for them to work because men are incapable of filling that need for the children.

Dear man who spoke in church: Kiss my butt.

Why is it that raising children has been seen as only a woman's duty? This makes me sick. It seems there's a huge emphasis on separating motherhood from fatherhood, but really they're under the same umbrella of parenthood. Hate to break it to you boys, but you have to raise your children too! I have faith that you can do it.

Motherhood shouldn't be different from fatherhood, in my opinion. Aside from my mother physically giving birth to me, the only reason she's different from my father is because her name is Suzanne and she's a very talkative, very bubbly person. My father, Timothy, is a very stoic and quiet person. Naturally, my relationships with these people are different. But they are both equally my parents because they were both very active in the process of raising me, even when they were both working.

I'd also like to note that you should NEVER judge mothers who work. You don't understand the circumstances that surround that, and it's none of your business. And just because she works doesn't mean she's less of a parent or that her family suffers because of it. I have a few inappropriate words for those who give mothers a hard time for working outside the home.

I salute all the mothers out there who are single or divorced or widowed or married. God knows you're probably doing the brunt of the work, and for that you deserve the best. It seems women don't have the luxury of choosing when to be parent, and they're always trying to fill the missing holes that other people leave behind. You guys are awesome, not just because you're parents, but because you're you. We love you.

Lesson #39

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1.) I can't help it.

Confession time.

I think my feminist ways are taking over my blog. I'm sorry to anyone who hates reading about it, but TOO BAD.

I'm just going to rant for a second here about this article.

Apparently, athletes can beat girls up and it's ok, you're allowed to keep playing professional sports and make millions of dollars a year. We already knew it was true in the US, but now it's happening in Australia! Yay!

A "social justice advocate" said on his behalf, "'We can all get caught up in the emotional image of young men booting a young woman in the stomach to cause her to abort her baby, but these were two young people … she got pregnant, he was way out of his depth, and he did a really cruel and dumb thing. He was caught in the moment, and what he did was the equivalent of a young man putting a noose around his neck because his girlfriend tossed him out (Lesa chiming in here...please tell me how this metaphor makes sense). He has to be allowed to move forward and put his life together, and I think the ability of the NRL and the Warriors to take this young man in and help him do that is role modelling and something they should get credit for.'"

YES. You are great role models, NRL and Warriors! You have officially taught my future children that it is OK to kick around pregnant girls they knocked up because it was only a matter of getting CAUGHT IN THE FREAKING MOMENT.

You know what irresponsible things I do when I get "caught in the moment?" I EAT CHINESE FOOD THAT MAKES ME GASSY. Even better, I BUY LOTS OF CLOTHES I DON'T NEED.

I'm glad you feel remorse. I'm glad you spent 18 months in jail. But nothing excuses what you did. Now while that girl is raising a child on her own with emotional scars, you get to play sports again. Better yet, you get to continue making millions of dollars. You disgust me, Shaun. DISGUST. And so do you, NRL people and Warriors, whoever the hell you are!

So, the lesson here is:

a. Become an athlete

b. Blame all your troubles on "getting caught in the moment."

c. If you EVER touch a girl like that (or in any way harmful or inappropriate) I will hunt you down.

Lesson #32

Today's Lesson Objectives include:

1.) Feminism.

I have a feeling the majority of the people who actually read my blog have already left this post because of the title. But I have something important to say and y'all are going to sit tight and enjoy the ride.

I know for a fact that most people have no idea what feminism means. They associate it with unattractive lesbian women who burn their bras, don't shave their legs, and hate men. Perhaps some women like this exist out there, but I guarantee the majority of women who call themselves "feminists" in fact do shave their legs, wear skirts, and like men. Many of them even love men.

The fact is, I call myself a feminist because I believe every woman has a right to live the way she chooses with respect and dignity. I believe every woman has political and human rights that need to be upheld by the law. I believe that every woman should be equal to every man. It's all about equality, though I get the feeling people don't see that.

Lately I've been hearing a lot of "women victimize themselves too much" or "women aren't really oppressed - they're just whiny." This may surprise you, but I agree to some extent. Some women exaggerate their circumstances and I don't believe women in developed countries are necessarily "oppressed."

But women are not considered equal anywhere in the world.

Women perform over 2/3 of the world's work and own 10 percent of the world's wealth.

Women in America earn .75 for every dollar a man earns.

2/3 of illiterate adults around the world are women.

1 in 4 women in America will fall victim to sexual violence sometime during their life, and in some countries that rises to 1 in 2 women.

Women are highly underrepresented in decision-making in governments all around the globe.

27 million people are enslaved in human/sex trafficking today, 80 percent of which are women.

These are the universal traits attributed to women's issues. You would be appalled at the circumstances of women in countries such as India, the Congo, or Afghanistan. This is why I'm so passionate about women and their rights. I cannot live in a world where such atrocities occur and I not do or say anything.

This is my official statement to everyone out there who thinks I'm annoying or pushy or outspoken: THANK GOODNESS. If I didn't advertise it so much, would you have ever known how women live in this world?

Please stop making jokes about women and their rights. Please stop using derogatory words that reference women. It's offensive to me and I'm sure it's offensive to all those who have been fighting for centuries for equal opportunities. And please, listen to the women around you. They have opinions and ambitions and dreams that matter. Don't take that for granted.

Oh, and a late Happy International Women's Day to you.

Watch this video:

ps. Speaking of awesome women, check out the pink vigilantes. They've pretty much taken matters into their own hands when it comes to women's rights and being the most amazing people I've ever read about.

Look at them! So fierce and awesome.