Ich weiß nicht.

“You seem upset.”

“I am upset. You should be, too. Why aren’t there apologies? Why aren’t our leaders more concerned with the issues that bother us? Why isn’t there any transparency? I feel like I’m knocking, knocking, knocking, and I’m not getting any answers.”

A few tender months after the Church’s article on Race and the Priesthood was released, I was visiting some friends in Paris, France when I heard the good news – Elder Steven E. Snow, the Church Historian, was in town, and he was holding a Q&A Fireside for anyone to attend. Seeing as I had about one million questions, I agreed to go.

The first half hour was quiet and calm, commencing with testimony-filled comments from the historian and his counselor about the greatness of the Lord’s work and how learning the Church’s history intimately has helped their faith in Joseph Smith grow. A few shy questions were politely asked, as if to ease the obvious tension in the room that weighed heavily upon confused hearts. Suddenly, my dear friend’s hand shot up. “I served my mission in Utah,” she started, “where I learned about many historical events I wasn’t aware of, often because investigators would question us with rumors they heard. I wanted to know if you’ve ever personally come across something in your research that’s disturbed you, and, if so, how do you deal with it?”

The room fell silent, and Elder Snow’s pleasant face twisted into a frown. Becoming surprisingly defensive, he brushed aside her question with another Praise to the Man, claiming that if anyone had a real testimony of the restored gospel they wouldn’t have a problem. “The Church’s history is like a large tapestry,” he informed us, “and, if you look closely, sometimes you’ll see threads in there that don’t make sense. But if you take a step back, you’ll see the whole beautiful tapestry. Then the threads you don’t understand don’t matter as much.”

A floodgate had opened, with several more people daring to raise their hands to ask the “tiny thread” questions. Elder Snow answered a few more questions, then asked to draw the meeting to a close. Since I was not of the chosen few selected to speak, I marched up to the front and asked to speak to the historian and his counselor.

“So, would you say that these ‘confusing’ threads are a mistake? Or do you believe that they’re actually a necessary part of the ‘tapestry’?”

Elder Snow saw my blazing eyes and excused himself to speak to the bishop while his counselor turned to me, smiling. I continued, explaining my thoughts on the recent article on racism in the Church’s history, my dissatisfaction with the way women are treated, and the lack of support given to LGBT members of our faith.

“You seem upset,” he responded, slightly hesitant. 

“I am upset. You should be, too. Why aren’t there apologies? Why aren’t our leaders more concerned with the issues that bother us? Why isn’t there any transparency? I feel like I’m knocking, knocking, knocking, and I’m not getting any answers.”

Looking intently at my face, he paused for a moment, and proceeded to say the sweetest words I have ever heard come out of a priesthood leader’s mouth.

“I don’t know.”

I once listened to a Freakonomics podcast that really resonated with me called, “The Three Hardest Words in the English Language.” And no, “I love you” are not those words. The three hardest words in the English language are, according to economists, “I don’t know.” Stephen Dubner, the host of the show, goes on to explain that in order to become successful at your job and, well, in life in general, being able to acknowledge when you don’t know something is crucial. “Until you can admit what you don’t know,” he explains, “it’s virtually impossible to learn what you need to. Because if you think you already have all the answers, you won’t go looking for them.” His colleague and fellow economist, Steve Levitt, added, “The thing about always faking is that if you fake like you know the answer, you don’t have the freedom to explore other possibilities. But if you actually care about the outcome and the truth, saying ‘I don’t know’ is critical.”

There’s a perception in our society that if we admit to not knowing something, we appear to be weak or incompetent. This absurdity, like so many other aspects of our Western culture which we subject ourselves to, has permeated the porous religious walls behind which we protect our faith. Time and time again I have attempted to bring difficult and ambiguous questions to the Sunday School table or to the bishop’s desk, and time and time again I have been shut down with unverifiable doctrinal theories or rote answers that don’t even really address the issue at hand.

In my last transfer on my mission, I was asked to give a workshop on “How to Answer Hard Questions” at our quarterly Zone Conference. I started out by asking the Elders in the room (my companion and I were the only sisters) to role play answering certain prompts I’d given them, most of which had something to do with an investigator asking why women don’t have the priesthood or why the Church practiced polygamy. Every single one of those Elders came up with some sort of elaborate answer, even throwing some scriptures around as if to prove the point they’d rehearsed their whole lives.  

I then asked them if there was any real doctrinal foundation to what they were saying. I pointed out some scriptures that directly contradicted the message they were trying to convey through their own display of God’s Word, and asked them to provide the reference for the prophets they were supposedly quoting. They fumbled around for a minute, searching for something tangible in the void I’d thrown them into, before admitting that they had no concrete evidence for the answers they were providing. I turned around and wrote “Ich weiß nicht” [I don’t know] on the board.

“These are the only words that have given me any comfort when addressing these issues. No theories, no opinions, no traditions of thought have ever provided as much consolation as the words ‘I don’t know’ have when spoken by a person in authority,” I explained. “Never pretend to have the answers. Be honest, open, and willing to admit when something is hard to understand. Tell them you don’t know, but you’d like to.”

  

I have come to believe that allowing yourself to not have all the answers can not only be extremely therapeutic, it can also lead you on the path to more enlightened truth.  In that same podcast, Stephen Dubner reminded us that “simply saying ‘I don’t know’ isn’t a solution. It’s just a first step. You have to figure out what you don’t know – and then work like a dog to learn.”

Though perhaps contradictory to logic, understanding that no one has the answers has provided me a lot of clarity and given me a space in which my faith has grown. It has allowed me to explore the idea that there is so much more to learn, and the answers and excuses I had been given all my life that I did not agree with are not necessarily the truth God wants me to know and comprehend. I find great comfort in knowing that my Heavenly Father will, as I’ve learned through the example of Joseph Smith, give me knowledge that is contingent upon my asking and waiting for it. Elder Stanley G. Ellis assured members in a 2010 Ensign article that “the Lord expects us to inquire, study, and act – even though there are some things we may never know in this life.”  

“I don’t know” is a good place to start, but it is not the magic pot at the end of the rainbow. It should never be used to shut someone up or quiet a movement down. Admitting our lack of knowledge shouldn’t lead us to blind faith, it should guide us to divine inspiration. Knowing you don’t have the answers is humility, and understanding that it is possible to have answers, clarity, and peace in this life is hope.

“Verily, verily, I say unto thee, blessed art thou for what thou hast done; for thou hast inquired of me, and behold, as often as thou hast inquired thou hast received instruction of my Spirit. If it had not been so, thou wouldst not have come to the place where thou art at this time.

Behold, thou knowest that thou hast inquired of me and I did enlighten thy mind; and now I tell thee these things that thou mayest know that thou hast been enlightened by the Spirit of truth.”

D&C 6: 14, 15

#WhyTheyAbuse

In case you’re willingly blind to the feminist happenings of the world at the present moment, which unfortunately is the current state for so many of you, allow me to invite you to the conversation of a movement that is [rightfully] receiving a lot of attention:

#16Days of Activism against Gender-Based Violence 

As some of you may know, I am currently employed at a domestic violence* shelter that services a large metropolitan area, so this particular facet of gender-based violence has become of great interest to me. I have always been extremely passionate about women’s rights (duh) and dismantling the evil of patriarchy, and having the opportunity to work with and for the women in my community is an incredible learning experience that I believe has enabled me to become a better feminist.

*Domestic violence has been defined as "a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. [It] can be physical, sexual, emotional, economic, or psychological actions or threats of actions that influence another person."

This new experience has also allowed me to tune in even more closely to the conversations addressing domestic violence issues, most of which seem to be heading in a productive direction. There are, however, still some lingering problems that I believe are born of the patriarchal subconscious. I would like to address one of them.


With statistics as high as 1 in 3 women experiencing domestic violence at some point in their lives in the US and 35% of women worldwide (that's over 1.2 billion we're talking about), we've got an extremely prevalent and rarely addressed problem on our hands.

Perhaps you’ve heard of the #WhyIStayed hashtag trend, or seen brave women such as Ms. Steiner explain the dynamics and consequences behind women who find themselves in domestic violence situations with people they once loved. You’ve maybe wondered why on earth women like Janay Rice decided to go ahead and marry her abuser, or pondered about what you yourself would do in a similar situation (though I’m sure your hypotheticals would do you no good if you found yourself such an environment).

The thing is, when we talk about domestic violence, our society at large seems to forget* an extremely important part of the problem: the ABUSERS, the majority of which happen to be men. 

*[I would also like to add that a very significant number of men have experienced  or will experience domestic violence as well, which adds a whole different dynamic to the conversation of things we forget about or ignore when addressing violence. I would love to write more about this later, but in the meantime you can read more about male victims of violence here.]

We have created a culture that blames victims so effortlessly it’s a little scary. Women are seen as rude for not being flattered by street harassment. Women are at fault for sexual assault because of what they were wearing. Women are stupid for staying with their abusive partners. How has the conversation turned toward the victim so easily? How have we been missing the one vital mark of the entire incident, that SOMEONE HAS CAUSED HARM AND WE HAVE WRITTEN THEM OUT OF THE DIALOGUE? 

Let's change the conversation. No person in a domestic violence situation needs to explain to the world why they stayed or justify their [misguided] love or have physical evidence that they were “truly”being abused, which is unfortunately a tragic reality for so many victims. 

Let's instead demand that every single abuser must be accountable for and face the consequences of their actions. Let's help them to understand and seek the necessary counseling they need so they never hurt again (can we get a new #WhyIHurt hashtag trend to replace the #WhyIStayed??). Let's provide more trust and assurance to victims who are already scared for their lives and well-beings. Most importantly, let's identify patterns of violence in our communities, in our families, and in our own lives and intervene before it takes a turn for the worse.

And that includes all of you, men of this world - grow a pair and finally stand up to your dude friends who make inappropriate or violent jokes about women or rape or harassment of any kind. It starts with the actions or thoughts that are painted as "harmless," and it can end with the people around you taking it seriously. 

Please watch this video, it will change you life. Especially you, men.

And then check out this website for more awesome information on a program that has proven to significantly reduce violence in communities across the US by empowering people to stand up to and change patterns of violence. 




Stay classy, folks. And remember, you CAN do something about it.

We thank thee, oh God.

Welp.

For those who might not be aware of Mormon happenings, you should know two things:
1. Twice yearly the leadership of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints holds a conference that is broadcasted worldwide. Men and women, whom we believe are called of God to speak in His name, give "talks," or sermons, that give instruction on how we can best serve God and others. This past weekend we had this conference, often referred to as General Conference or snuggleonthecouchinyourpajamastime. This is where I learned that,
2. We shouldn't call ourselves Mormons anymore.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm open to any new suggestions for nicknames.


Anyways.

One of the main vibes I was picking up from the conference (and this is just my personal opinion, I'm sure others were feeling other lovely feelings) is this idea that people are being persecuted for their beliefs, and it's important to stand strong and hold fast to your principles. Amiright? And I thought, "Oh! That's me! I feel that way a lot!"

But then there were lots of stories and thoughts shared about those with strong religious convictions who have stood firm in the faith through their trials of challenging "immorality" and other sins, which according to Church leaders are quickly becoming the status quo. Encouragement to not lose hope was given, as well as instruction to lovingly correct others in their paths.

My immediate thoughts were as follows:

....
.....
......

Do my very religious friends and family really feel attacked or persecuted for their beliefs? In what ways? How often?

As a religious minority in my hometown, there were of course instances in which I felt that I need to defend my faith, but for the most part everyone was warm and loving and very tolerant of my "Mormonism." It wasn't until I lived among those who share my faith that I felt any sort of persecution or intolerance (read story here), but that was usually for my political beliefs. Having lived in this environment for the past several years, it was hard for me to imagine while listening to this conference that those who had often said harsh words to me about my beliefs were also feeling like they were constantly defending their faith as well.

And then it hit me.


WE ARE ALL SO STUPID, GUYZ.

Seriously though, do you not see this? Everyone is feeling under attack. Everyone is acknowledging intolerance and a lack of love, no matter what side it's coming from. Everyone is trying to find truth and to live it and to do so without feeling like they constantly have to defend the way they live or why they think the thoughts they think. Everyone is feeling wounded by others' arrows of bitterness, and we're all too concerned about hiding behind the giant fortresses of pride we've built instead of communicating with each other honestly and openly.

Can't we all just go back to being friends? Is it possible to create a safe space where everyone can express themselves and contribute to a loving conversation in which we discuss our differences? Does judgement need to be our constant companion? And can we all have the patience and humility to admit when we're wrong and when we need to adjust our ideas?

Because Jesus.



1 John 4:8
He [or she] that loveth not knowth not God; for God is love. 

ps. Please take note at the "Kittens" poster in the corner. That is not a coincidence.

The "F" word.

Let me tell you a story.

On the last day of my mission, I traveled to Berlin to meet up with the other missionaries who were going to be flying home with me, all of which were Elders (missionaries of the male gender). Sitting in a room of the mission office surrounded by these Elders, I was more than a little uncomfortable, especially since I had been taught for 18 months to NEVER find myself in this situation. But alas, it could not be helped, and I sat there impatiently waiting my turn to have an interview with our mission president.

I'm not exactly sure how this next part came to pass, but I remember one Elder in particular, who must not be named and who I had not met previously, decided to brave the forbidden waters and engage me in seemingly light-hearted conversation. A little out of touch with talking to people of the opposite sex I suppose, he found it a perfect opportunity to tell me everything he had heard about me on the mission - every. single. rumor.

Not a minute had passed and several other Elders decided to pipe in similar feedback. Now, I'm not exactly surprised at what I heard. I knew I had a reputation for being outspoken, blunt, and lacking in basic social manners. Most Elders (and Sisters) had heard I was a "feminist," and subsequently, not fully understanding the meaning of this term, were terrified to meet me. But that never bothered me, mostly because people who had actually experienced a personal interaction with me tended to like me, or at least learned to not be offended by my presence.

But the way these Elders, people I had never met or spoken to, were talking to me about me made me feel so uneasy and, quite frankly, hurt. Every negative term that came out of their mouth was also associated with me being a "feminist," as if all feminists are terrifying, man-hating, rude liberal loud-mouths (the usual stereotypes that I apparently posses). And it hurt because I knew that this twisted image they had of me would forever have been ingrained into their souls as being associated with feminism, had they not had the opportunity to finally meet me and understand who I am and what I stand for. It hurt because they didn't understand this wonderful movement that had changed my life for the better, and they were mocking it in my presence.




Feminism has become a dirty word, my friends, and for this I am very sad.

I could go on and on about what the feminist movement really is and what's it's done for the world and blah blah blah. But you already know this. I talk about it everyday and I post about it everyday and whether you believe it or not, you are probably being exposed to feminist "propaganda" on a regular basis, even when you're not graced by my presence. And you know what? You probably agree with most of it. Let's be honest, who doesn't want a world where women are treated like human beings? The crazies, that's who. I don't need to defend the feminist movement as much as try to help you understand that if you have a brain that functions probably, you are probably a feminist too. 

The beauty of feminism is that it is really personal. Not every person who identifies with feminism agrees on every point! There's a place for everyone who desires gender equality.

I just want to tell you what feminism means to me.

Feminism has given me identity as a woman and has helped me to understand masculine identity. It has given me purpose and meaning in my life. It has given me the courage to stand up and say, "No, that is wrong." It has given me the courage to stand up and say, "Yes, this is me and yes, I believe this." My thoughts and feelings and opinions and hopes and dreams are all valid and real because I am a person and I deserve them. Feminism has taught me that I am equal to everyone, which has shaped the way I treat the people around me. It has helped me grow in my faith and helped me to understand how God sees me and who He wants me to become, and it has helped me to see what God sees in others.


I know I talk about this a lot, but I just wanted to put that out there. That is all.

To be discreet and chaste.

It's finally summer! Time to put away the heavy German winter garb, pull out my sunglasses, buy a bikini...what?

Now calm down people, I'm not buying a bikini. But the fact that you got a little worried about it is probably something we need to discuss.

Thanks to the sudden presence of the sun, it seems that everyone is getting themselves in a tizzy about one of my favorite words: modesty.

Actually I'm joking when I say that, in case you didn't pick that up. It's not one of my favorite words.

This is what the Church says about it:

"Modesty is an attitude of propriety and decency in dress, grooming, language, and behavior. If we are modest, we do not draw undue attention to ourselves.

If we are unsure about whether our dress or grooming is modest, we should ask ourselves, 'Would I feel comfortable with my appearance if I were in the Lord's presence?'

Prophets have always counseled us to dress modestly. This counsel is founded on the truth that the human body is God's sacred creation. We must respect our bodies as a gift from God. Through our dress and appearance, we can show the Lord that we know how precious our bodies are." 

All of that seems somewhat reasonable to me. I like it because it centers everything around my relationship with my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. I personally dress the way I do because I personally believe that I am showing respect to the body that God gave me...and all that jazz.

The interesting thing is that the Church gives guidelines for how we should dress. For example, we have (as women) been asked not to wear, "Revealing and sexually suggestive clothing, which includes short shorts and skirts, tight clothing, and shirts that do not cover the stomach," among other things. That's fine. I don't have any problems with that for myself. This is what I ABHOR:

1. Viewing those who don't follow these guidelines as "immodest," "indecent," or worse, as "sluts".
2. Using the word "slut."
3. Something that we discuss often in the feminist world known as "slut shaming." Look it up.

Modesty is quite often, especially in the beloved Mormon culture, equated with words like "chaste" and "pure" and "virtue." To illustrate a point, and since I'd rather not phrase it in my own words, I've collected words from a source that you probably trust more than my brain. The following quote is from the same website:

"Our clothing expresses who we are. It sends messages about us, and it influences the way we and others act. When we are well groomed and modestly dressed, we can invite the companionship of the Spirit and exercise a good influence on those around us.

Central to the command to be modest is an understanding of the sacred power of procreation, the ability to bring children into the world. This power is to be used only between husband and wife. Revealing and sexually suggestive clothing, which includes short shorts and skirts, tight clothing, and shirts that do not cover the stomach, can stimulate desires and actions that violate the Lord's law of chastity."

Bah. If that doesn't directly influence rape culture, I don't know what does.

Let's get a couple things straight.

What I WEAR is dependent upon ME and MY PERSONAL PREFERENCES. I do NOT wear "modest" clothes in order to NOT BE RAPED or NOT INFLUENCE IMMORALITY. I hear too often that women need to dress "appropriately" in order to "help" dudes not have "immoral thoughts."  Or whatever.

Listen to me, men. 

YOUR IMMORAL and OBJECTIFYING THOUGHTS ARE YOUR OWN DAMN PROBLEM. Don't you EVER blame a woman and her "indecency" for your obvious problems with sexuality.  

And to the women.

Do not let other people define your worth. Don't let them tell you that if you wear a bikini or a short skirt that you are worth less or that you are dirty or cheap. Don't let people tell you that you are "welcoming" inappropriate behavior from men or that you have just "objectified" yourself. But I do hope that you dress the way you do as empowerment for yourself, because you're comfortable in your style and in your body. I hope you don't dress for the sole purpose to receive any negative attention - you are better than that.

To quote a blog that I once read, 

"Modesty is not about what you wear, but about how you wear it."    

For more thoughts visit here.

ps. The blog title came from one of my favorite scriptures. Not. --- Titus2:5

Lesson #57

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1.) I'm still alive.

Yo all my peeps and all the sheople. I'm still alive, in case you were wondering. Also, I'm still kicking. Really hard. Just ask the 7 guys I've been living with for the past 48 hours.

Anyway, it's been awhile since I've posted and for that I am crying for you on the inside. I know your lives revolve around my advice and blessing upon your heads.

I've got some fresh advice I just pooped out of my brain (which coincidentally comes out your ear...don't know why.)

Here are the latest do's and do not's.

DO have really awesome friends that rub your back and feed you ice cream when you're sad. It's the best medicine.

DO NOT hike the "Subway" at Zions National Park after having taken a 3 month hiatus from any form of exercise. It's excruciating. Also, I almost died. Like 5 times.

DO wear a tank top and shorts whenever appropriate so as to receive a lovely light tan. I'm complemented everyday on my "skin tone" as if I could buy this color in a store. No people, I earned it.

DO NOT travel 7 hours in a car with someone who drives you insane.

DO take me out for Indian food.

DO NOT make me upset.

Alright. That should tie you over until Harry Potter is over.

Lesson #46

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1.) PDA

I feel like I've already addressed this issue, but I'm bringing it up again. My friend Amanda suggested it to me, and so here I go.

I HATE PDA.

For those of you who have been living under a rock for 100 years, PDA = public displays of affection.

Now, I know some of you might say something to the effect of, "Oh, so I'm not allowed to let my boyfriend know how much I love him in front of his friends?," to which I might reply, "Does your tongue have to be in his mouth to let him know you love him?"

However, I understand there are different levels of PDA, and some may or may not be appropriate to share with the world. Let's break it down into 5 bases (from my version of baseball):

Base #1 - Staring longingly at each other.

If this happens during lunch, fine. Whatever. Sometimes it's actually hilarious to watch as you flirt shamelessly across the room. Just don't do it near me. It freaks me out in close quarters.

Base #2 - Holding hands.

I find this acceptable in public with moderation. I just really despise the couples that HAVE to be holding hands ALL THE TIME. For example, there was a couple in one of my classes that held hands during class, and the girl always sat in front of the boy. HOLY AWKWARD. And uncomfortable-looking. How could they enjoy that? I also hate when people are walking through a tight space and refuse to let me pass through them without breaking their hands, so we end up doing this creepy version of "London Bridge." Hate it.

Base #3 - Cuddling.

Some of you might say that this comes before holding hands in a relationship, but in public it usually comes after. Aaaand it's repulsive. You just look super awkward and you make everyone else feel that way too.

Base #4 - Kissing.

I've always hated people kissing in public, and I've never done it myself. I feel like those moments should be kept private, even if it's just a "peck." That word itself suggests you're a bird. But "passionate" kissing should ALWAYS be withheld from the public's eyes. It's just wrong and you look stupid.

Base #5 - Kissy pictures on facebook.

Two things to address here. First off, I understand that this cannot be the last base. I did take a sex ed class, so I know the drill. However, where I live no one makes it past this point, and if they do they are eternally punished unless they're married. Even then no one likes talking about it, so this is as far as we get. Second on the agenda, YOUR KISSY PICTURES DO NOT BELONG ON FACEBOOK. Ooooo they are so nasty. And weird. And just dumb. I KNOW you're in a relationship with her, it says so on your info tab. You don't have to prove it by documenting your love-making that nobody wants to see. And again, it just looks weird.

That is all on this topic of conversation.

Lesson #43

Today's Lesson Objectives include:

1.) You don't know what real love is.

I have a lot of pet peeves, but every time someone asks me what they are I can't name more than two. BUT. I thought of one while reading a blog. And this is how it goes:

I really really really HATE it when people are obsessed with something they know nothing about. For example, there are 50 million girls in America right now that have all sorts of jewelry or posters or lamp shades that depict the Eiffel Tower. You don't deserve to wear that sacred symbol! Worse than that, many of these people have rich parents that take them to France where they can spend all their money pretending they're French, when in fact they can't speak a lick of the language and they're obnoxious tourists that French people don't actually like!

Get it through your heads. Liking France and really appreciating it are two different things. You don't get to because you haven't spent three years of your life conjugating verbs in the subjunctive. So there.

Another one that I DESPISE are girls that are obsessed with "vintage" things. First of all girls, you have no idea what that word means. When you say the word "vintage" you are basically describing anything made before the 1990's and after the early 1800's. That's a freaking huge time period, in case you didn't know. Most girls like to pin it to the 1920's through the 60's, but each of those decades are known for different trends and styles in music, dress, and art. So you really can't group them into one word. Sorry to burst your bubble.

I guess a lot of these people feel like they're entitled because they have the money to go to France and buy "vintage" clothes, but you don't understand the true essence so TOO BAD. I win.

2.) Real love is in the form of Asian men.

Ok, sorry about my rant. I had to get that out. And for your cooperation, I will let you in a little secret that I've decided I'm not so ashamed of anymore: I am extremely attracted to Asian men.

I don't know why I've had this secret obsession, but I believe it all started when I first saw Cinderella with Brandy. You know the one I'm talking about? You can't miss it. Brandy (Cinderella) is black and her stepmother is white, yet one of her step-sisters is black and the other one is white. The queen is black and the king is white, and their son is Asian. It's awesome. Anyway, so I find that prince hunky and always have.

Yum.

So after that I was in love. I distinctly remember watching the 2000 Olympics in Australia and thinking the Japanese gymnasts were soooooo hot. It just went downhill from there.

Now you know my secret. I hope you liked it.

Lesson #36

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1.) Grammar.

This is a fact: I am not attracted to people who use terrible grammar.

I'm sure any grammar guru would instantly call me a hypocrite because I am positive that the way I form sentences on my blog is not grammatically correct. That's just the way it rolls off my brain. So no, I am not a grammar nazi, but I do expect people to be able to tell the difference between there, they're, their and your, you're.

Just saying.

SO. Let me help you.

There: in or at that place, "They have lived there for years."

They're: contraction of they are, "They're very nice people."

Their: belonging to them, "Their dog is lovely."

Your: belonging to you, "Your hair is so shiny."

You're: contraction of you are, "You're the meanest person ever."

Now that we've covered the basic horrific grammar mistakes, let's talk about punctuation.

Punctuation, especially on the internet or in a text, adds a certain tone to a conversation or statement. When you add exclamation points after every sentence, you sound ridiculously excited or happy, even if you don't wish to convey a feeling of loving life. Here's an example:

Oh my gosh I am so mad at my mother! She is crazy! Sometimes she makes me pancakes when I want french toast! It drives me insane! I want some bacon right now! What I'm really trying to say is I have no idea why I love exclamation points because none of these sentences needed one!

Was the voice in your head a little girl with an extremely high voice? Ya, me too. So now we address the use of all caps. When I write sentences or parts of words in all capital letters, I am trying to convey a feeling of angst. That's what it sounds like in my head - someone screaming at me. So please don't write normal things in all caps. It's like someone is screaming:

I LOVE MY BIOLOGY CLASS IT IS GREAT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY EVER. WHY ARE TEDDY BEARS ALWAYS BROWN? I GUESS BARNEY IS PURPLE, SO THAT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE. I REALLY NEED A HUG.

Why are you shouting these things at me? No need. The last point I'd like to make is the use of the 3 periods (...). It sounds like a creepy voice when I read it, and it especially drives me crazy after every sentence, especially when you should be putting a question mark at the end of a question. For example:

You guys are great...Can I come over....How was your weekend...You look really cute....I wish your mom was here...

...creepy.

ps. I am doing well, not good. Good is an adjective, well is an adverb. When you're describing an action, you use the word "well." You are a good person, and you are doing well in art. Got it? Good.