Now calm down people, I'm not buying a bikini. But the fact that you got a little worried about it is probably something we need to discuss.
Thanks to the sudden presence of the sun, it seems that everyone is getting themselves in a tizzy about one of my favorite words: modesty.
Actually I'm joking when I say that, in case you didn't pick that up. It's not one of my favorite words.
This is what the Church says about it:
"Modesty is an attitude of propriety and decency in dress, grooming, language, and behavior. If we are modest, we do not draw undue attention to ourselves.
If we are unsure about whether our dress or grooming is modest, we should ask ourselves, 'Would I feel comfortable with my appearance if I were in the Lord's presence?'
Prophets have always counseled us to dress modestly. This counsel is founded on the truth that the human body is God's sacred creation. We must respect our bodies as a gift from God. Through our dress and appearance, we can show the Lord that we know how precious our bodies are."
The interesting thing is that the Church gives guidelines for how we should dress. For example, we have (as women) been asked not to wear, "Revealing and sexually suggestive clothing, which includes short shorts and skirts, tight clothing, and shirts that do not cover the stomach," among other things. That's fine. I don't have any problems with that for myself. This is what I ABHOR:
1. Viewing those who don't follow these guidelines as "immodest," "indecent," or worse, as "sluts".
2. Using the word "slut."
3. Something that we discuss often in the feminist world known as "slut shaming." Look it up.
Modesty is quite often, especially in the beloved Mormon culture, equated with words like "chaste" and "pure" and "virtue." To illustrate a point, and since I'd rather not phrase it in my own words, I've collected words from a source that you probably trust more than my brain. The following quote is from the same website:
"Our clothing expresses who we are. It sends messages about us, and it influences the way we and others act. When we are well groomed and modestly dressed, we can invite the companionship of the Spirit and exercise a good influence on those around us.
Central to the command to be modest is an understanding of the sacred power of procreation, the ability to bring children into the world. This power is to be used only between husband and wife. Revealing and sexually suggestive clothing, which includes short shorts and skirts, tight clothing, and shirts that do not cover the stomach, can stimulate desires and actions that violate the Lord's law of chastity."
Bah. If that doesn't directly influence rape culture, I don't know what does.
Let's get a couple things straight.
What I WEAR is dependent upon ME and MY PERSONAL PREFERENCES. I do NOT wear "modest" clothes in order to NOT BE RAPED or NOT INFLUENCE IMMORALITY. I hear too often that women need to dress "appropriately" in order to "help" dudes not have "immoral thoughts." Or whatever.
Listen to me, men.
YOUR IMMORAL and OBJECTIFYING THOUGHTS ARE YOUR OWN DAMN PROBLEM. Don't you EVER blame a woman and her "indecency" for your obvious problems with sexuality.
And to the women.
Do not let other people define your worth. Don't let them tell you that if you wear a bikini or a short skirt that you are worth less or that you are dirty or cheap. Don't let people tell you that you are "welcoming" inappropriate behavior from men or that you have just "objectified" yourself. But I do hope that you dress the way you do as empowerment for yourself, because you're comfortable in your style and in your body. I hope you don't dress for the sole purpose to receive any negative attention - you are better than that.
To quote a blog that I once read,
"Modesty is not about what you wear, but about how you wear it."
For more thoughts visit here.
ps. The blog title came from one of my favorite scriptures. Not. --- Titus2:5
Thanks for speaking out against those who are self-righteously modest. Last I checked, Jesus hates when people judge others more than he hates midriffs. I'm all for reframing the modesty lessons to be about how you wear and act in your clothes instead of where your hem falls.
ReplyDeletevery well articulated
ReplyDeleteI definitely agree that modesty has a lot more to do with the reasons behind than the simple act. I also think the idea that a person dressing a certain way gives anyone else license to act differently towards them is not a good policy, although I'm less likely to feel comfortable around people who are dressed outside of a normal variance--which includes nudity, masks, lots of chains/articles of clothing that can double as weapons or cloaks. But I think that maybe the writers of the second statement aren't ncouraging slut shaming but rather are pointing out something that I've found true in my own life--when I don't shower and wear sweat pants for three days in a row i feel gross, when I do shower I feel prettier. So the behavior can be altered by the individual according to the clothing they wear and not just others.
ReplyDelete