Lesson #39

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1.) I can't help it.

Confession time.

I think my feminist ways are taking over my blog. I'm sorry to anyone who hates reading about it, but TOO BAD.

I'm just going to rant for a second here about this article.

Apparently, athletes can beat girls up and it's ok, you're allowed to keep playing professional sports and make millions of dollars a year. We already knew it was true in the US, but now it's happening in Australia! Yay!

A "social justice advocate" said on his behalf, "'We can all get caught up in the emotional image of young men booting a young woman in the stomach to cause her to abort her baby, but these were two young people … she got pregnant, he was way out of his depth, and he did a really cruel and dumb thing. He was caught in the moment, and what he did was the equivalent of a young man putting a noose around his neck because his girlfriend tossed him out (Lesa chiming in here...please tell me how this metaphor makes sense). He has to be allowed to move forward and put his life together, and I think the ability of the NRL and the Warriors to take this young man in and help him do that is role modelling and something they should get credit for.'"

YES. You are great role models, NRL and Warriors! You have officially taught my future children that it is OK to kick around pregnant girls they knocked up because it was only a matter of getting CAUGHT IN THE FREAKING MOMENT.

You know what irresponsible things I do when I get "caught in the moment?" I EAT CHINESE FOOD THAT MAKES ME GASSY. Even better, I BUY LOTS OF CLOTHES I DON'T NEED.

I'm glad you feel remorse. I'm glad you spent 18 months in jail. But nothing excuses what you did. Now while that girl is raising a child on her own with emotional scars, you get to play sports again. Better yet, you get to continue making millions of dollars. You disgust me, Shaun. DISGUST. And so do you, NRL people and Warriors, whoever the hell you are!

So, the lesson here is:

a. Become an athlete

b. Blame all your troubles on "getting caught in the moment."

c. If you EVER touch a girl like that (or in any way harmful or inappropriate) I will hunt you down.

Lesson #38

Today's Lesson Objectives include:

1.) Documentaries.

So if you are acquainted with me in any social media forms, you would know that I've been watching a lot of documentaries lately, much to the dismay of my studies. I just can't help it. There are too many good [and awful] things to see and learn about and I MUCH prefer that to school.

I am making a list of all the documentaries you need to see before you die. Actually, watch them before the end of the year. Ok? Ok good. In no particular order:

War Dance

So freaking amazing. Seriously. I was really touched by this film.

God Grew Tired of Us

I saw this film in high school but recently watched it again with my brother. I forgot how heartbreakingly happy this film is. Also, it's hilarious.

America the Beautiful

This film pretty much reiterated everything I knew about America's obsession with beauty, but I still found the director's way of illustrating this fascinating. It really is a good and interesting film.

The Business of Being Born

I have recently had a strange desire to become a midwife, and this just pushed me to really consider it. SUCH a good take on the hospitals and maternal and childbirth care. I almost cried at all the births, it was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

Very Young Girls

This movie made me sick, in an important way. Girls are coerced into prostitution at the average age of 13. It's disgusting. This was a really amazing film that followed girls on their journey to break away from "the life."

Any suggestions on other documentaries I should watch?

2. Believe me.

This is just my little rant for the day. It goes like this.

When you ask me about what "feminism" means and then proceed to insult me and disregard my evidence, I officially regard you as the statistic that inhibits change for women. When you refuse to look at what is going on around you and realize it's wrong, I get upset.

I know you think that women should be equal. I know you say you would vote for a woman president. I know you believe that sexual violence should stop. But guess what. YOU ARE NOT THE MAJORITY. So PLEASE stop thinking that all men think like you and therefore patriarchy or oppression doesn't exist! The majority don't, or else women would have stopped being raped or trafficked or beaten. It also offends me when I bring up things like this and you refuse to believe me.

I feel like my voice is getting lost in someone else's screams.

ps. I don't care what you think, it is NEVER a girl's/woman's fault that she has been raped. I should have slapped you for that.

Lesson #37

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1.) Faith.

Everything I'm about to write right now is word vomit, just so you know. I'm sitting in the library and I've only accomplished one tiny ounce of the massive pile of homework I have. Don't worry, I'll probably stay up all night. Love when that happens.

So. I watched a movie recommended to me by a friend called Creation. It's about Charles Darwin and his internal debates with publishing his famous book "Origin of Species" and about his crumbling marriage with his wife right after his daughter dies. Anyway, I think this movie goes much much deeper than just religion vs. science, though that is obviously addressed as his wife is a devout Christian.

What I'm trying to get at is this really strange quote that's been haunting me ever since the doctor's character in the movie said it. Basically what happens is Charles gets really ill, both physically but especially mentally, and he ends up seeking help from a doctor. So they're both sitting down and for the first time (that the audience is aware of) Charles is talking about things that have been on his mind, like the fact that he sees and talks to his dead daughter. He talks about how his wife turned to religion for her comfort and he is still lost because he thinks she's gone forever. Then the doctor says,

"You say you take no comfort from religion, but do you have faith?"

To be honest, I have no idea what this means. Maybe Charles didn't either. Perhaps he meant to ask if Charles has faith in his own convictions. Perhaps he meant to ask if Charles had faith in anything at all. I don't know. This is going to bother me all night.

I find it interesting how everyone handles grief and hardship. I shy away from everyone and sleep a lot. My brother tries to fix everything. My friend eats a lot. I know people who pretend it never happened, people who cry, people who scream, people who try to forget it by losing themselves in service. Most people I know also turn to their faith. They believe that if they put their trust in God everything will work out for the best. And it usually does.

My theory is that after their daughter's death, Charles was perhaps jealous of his wife's faith. Perhaps he was jealous that she turned to a God who had all the answers, whereas he felt he had to believe that there was no God and no afterlife and no more Annie. Maybe he was right, perhaps we're just a part of nature - we're born, we live, we die, and if we're lucky we leave offspring strong enough to survive. But what kind of existence is that? I feel like there has to be more to just living and dying, or else my life loses purpose.

Those are my thoughts at this late hour.

Told you it was word vomit. More like mind vomit, I suppose.

ps. I love monkeys.

Lesson #36

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1.) Grammar.

This is a fact: I am not attracted to people who use terrible grammar.

I'm sure any grammar guru would instantly call me a hypocrite because I am positive that the way I form sentences on my blog is not grammatically correct. That's just the way it rolls off my brain. So no, I am not a grammar nazi, but I do expect people to be able to tell the difference between there, they're, their and your, you're.

Just saying.

SO. Let me help you.

There: in or at that place, "They have lived there for years."

They're: contraction of they are, "They're very nice people."

Their: belonging to them, "Their dog is lovely."

Your: belonging to you, "Your hair is so shiny."

You're: contraction of you are, "You're the meanest person ever."

Now that we've covered the basic horrific grammar mistakes, let's talk about punctuation.

Punctuation, especially on the internet or in a text, adds a certain tone to a conversation or statement. When you add exclamation points after every sentence, you sound ridiculously excited or happy, even if you don't wish to convey a feeling of loving life. Here's an example:

Oh my gosh I am so mad at my mother! She is crazy! Sometimes she makes me pancakes when I want french toast! It drives me insane! I want some bacon right now! What I'm really trying to say is I have no idea why I love exclamation points because none of these sentences needed one!

Was the voice in your head a little girl with an extremely high voice? Ya, me too. So now we address the use of all caps. When I write sentences or parts of words in all capital letters, I am trying to convey a feeling of angst. That's what it sounds like in my head - someone screaming at me. So please don't write normal things in all caps. It's like someone is screaming:

I LOVE MY BIOLOGY CLASS IT IS GREAT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY EVER. WHY ARE TEDDY BEARS ALWAYS BROWN? I GUESS BARNEY IS PURPLE, SO THAT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE. I REALLY NEED A HUG.

Why are you shouting these things at me? No need. The last point I'd like to make is the use of the 3 periods (...). It sounds like a creepy voice when I read it, and it especially drives me crazy after every sentence, especially when you should be putting a question mark at the end of a question. For example:

You guys are great...Can I come over....How was your weekend...You look really cute....I wish your mom was here...

...creepy.

ps. I am doing well, not good. Good is an adjective, well is an adverb. When you're describing an action, you use the word "well." You are a good person, and you are doing well in art. Got it? Good.

Lesson #35

Today's Lesson Objectives include:

1. Annoying blog posts.

Confession: I am addicted to reading terrible blogs. There's this one that I find especially horrid about a girl who's 21 and divorced and she writes the most annoying things about her 2 week marriage. I'm sure you find me the meanest person in the whole world, and I probably am. I'm sure this girl is super nice and God loves her for sure. But why dedicate a whole blog to your irresponsible courtship and marriage when I'm sure it's not fun for you or for him?

Whatever.

The inspiration for my commentary comes from her latest post, which includes like 50 billion ways you can woo and romance her. Yuck.

This is what my brain thinks about it: WHAT THE HELL.

Why are you sitting on your butt for what I'm sure took you an hour writing about all the ways a guy can win your heart? a.) get a life b.) why does the guy have to do all the work?

To the lovely girl of the annoying blog,

DO SOMETHING ABOUT YOUR OWN DATING LIFE.

You are not (or shouldn't be) some helplessly romantic girl who needs to be saved by some manly dude who buys you flowers and makes you feel good about yourself for 2 seconds! If you can't become a strong person on your own, there is no way any man is going to make you happy. You make you happy. So stop writing blog posts about how a man should sweep you off your feet and LIVE A LIFE.

The end.

2.) I miss my cat.

Today my roommate subjected me to watching this awful movie clip from Fox and the Hound. I cried and cried and screamed at that terrible lady for being so mean. This of course lead me to this movie clip from Dumbo which basically makes me want to die a thousand times (after saving all the elephants in the world, of course). And don't worry, I eventually ended my youtube sad streak with the scene from Lion King where Simba finds his father dead.

Watching sad Disney scenes of animals reminds me of one thing always: my precious kitty. He's not really a kitty, he's definitely old. He doesn't have a name, so we just call him kitty except when my mom calls him a "little turd." He was my best friend for a long time.

I think the best thing about pets, more specifically cats and dogs, is that they always know when you're sad and they try to cheer you up. I remember when I was 16 and I came home crying because a boy was mean to me and my kitty jumped up on my bed and started licking my face and snuggling in my arms. It instantly made everything better.

This is a really pointless lesson. I just wanted you to know how much I miss kitty and need him right now.

Lesson #34

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1.) March Madness.

It's 12:30 am and I AM SICK OF DOING HOMEWORK.

So. I am going to talk about college basketball. Actually, it's just gonna be sports in general.

Good idea? Yes.

Ok. This is something everyone needs to know about me.

It's called "I pretend I don't know a lot about sports but I actually know more than everyone thinks I do." It's a little secret I like to keep, but it's late at night and all bets are off, which means after a certain time of night you can pretty much ask me anything and I'll tell you. But this secret is a freebie. Also, I'm pretty sure 2 people read my blog so I don't even care.

There are many reasons I know a lot about sports. The first and most important reason is 1.) I am from Nebraska. I'm pretty sure it's a rule that you have to know everything about football before you graduate from elementary school. Football is the biggest deal since the Constitution was signed, I'm pretty sure. Anyway, the point is that I grew up on Big Red game days and Superbowl Sundays, though I don't really like the NFL. And I know that any Nebraskans reading this that knew me pretty well would probably want to cut off my legs because I was actually an avid fan of pretty much ANYONE that was playing Nebraska. I just like to mix things up, ok? But I promise I've been converted and I wear my Husker pride every football season.

Reason 2.) Growing up with 3 brothers who all played sports, my dad who coached our sports teams, and all my manly friends from high school. They all think I never payed attention to them, but I know half of my hockey and rugby knowledge just from eavesdropping on sporty conversations. Ha. Also. My dad taught me the rules to pretty much every single sport that was invented. Except for cricket. But if you start watching a sport on tv at my apartment, I'll most likely be able to know exactly what is going on.

Reason 3.) I played sports! Oh yes, I was very into soccer until high school, then track and field. Then nothing. I do yoga now.

Reason 4.) I learned a lot about sports from betting on games. Mostly I'm talking about college basketball brackets, but I also bet pieces of candy while watching football games. I'm pretty hardcore. But seriously, I've done soooooo well on all my brackets every year since high school, and it's not just because I choose teams based on the color of their jerseys. I read ESPN at least once a week. So bring it, because I'm going to school all of you this year.

Reason 5.) My older brother and I were really into baseball and football cards when we were younger, and so in order not to totally get taken advantage of (Brent would try to trade me totally lame cards for my sweet ones) I had to read up on who I had cards of. Worked like a charm, and I still win for having Ken Griffey Jr.'s rookie card (if it was actually legit, I still don't know) and Joe Montana's "retirement" card, whatever that means.

Reason 6.) Famous people. I grew up knowing I was related to Steve Young, and therefore I needed to know everything about him, his college football career, and his time in the NFL. I heard about some French man hitting somebody with his head during a soccer game, so I obviously had to read up on that and figure out what it was all about, which lead to my basic knowledge in all European soccer teams and my inevitable crush on David Villa. I didn't really know anything about anyone in the NBA (except for Michael Jordan, OF COURSE) until Space Jame (best movie ever). And, of course, Jimmer Fredette. I had NO idea who he was until this year, and the word on the street is that he's a big deal. Who even knew?

This post is getting really long and I'm sick of telling you all the reasons I totally kick butt when it comes to blowing your mind about sports. No, I'm not that familiar with specific athletes, but I should get credit for being able to participate in intelligent conversation about athletics in general, especially American college sports.

Yet when it comes down to it, I'd rather be talking about things that actually matter in this world, like preventing infant mortality or finding the solution to world peace. But that's for another day.

Lesson learned:

I'm awesome. Aaaaaand I am doing freaking amazing on my March Madness bracket, in case you were wondering.

Check out this siiiiiiick footage of the head-butting Frenchman:

Apparently the Italian man said something about his mother? Hahahaha

Lesson #33

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1.) Sick days.

Today I woke up at 2pm. Yes, that adds up to about 14 hours of sleep. I feel like I could go for a couple more hours if I wasn't sweating like a pig. I haven't eaten and the thought doesn't sound appealing. I've skipped all my morning classes and there is NO WAY I am getting in the shower and getting ready for the 2 more I have in...ten minutes. I think I will call today a "sick day."

Growing up, sick days were the best things in the world, even when you weren't pretending to be sick. I swear there was nothing better than sitting on the couch all day watching movie after movie while periodically throwing up my guts and having my mom cater to my every need. I remember one time in high school when my brother and I told my mom to call us out of school one day because we didn't "feel well." After she left for work we turned on some OC and watched at least 20 episodes while eating my dad's candy stash. It was a glorious day.

Sick days are different now. Reason #23405 that I HATE COLLEGE. While laying in my bed dreading the thought of clothing myself, I can't stop thinking about the 3 papers I need to get started on (2 of which are in French), the 2 tests I need to study for, and all the mindless homework that needs to get done.

So that sums it. There is nothing worse than a sick day in college.

Lesson learned:

1. Consume more vitamin c.

2. Hire someone to do all your homework for you.

3. Don't go to college.

ps. I love lolcatz.