Lesson #51

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1.) Being a safe driver.

This is a lesson I can't joke around with or make fun of. I take this very seriously, as it as affected my personal life very deeply.

April was "Distracted Driving Awareness Month," so I missed that boat. Let's just call this a little late, yes?

Meet my awesome cousin Neil in 2008:

He was a senior in high school, ready to go to college, and one of the funniest people I knew. Seriously, I loved hanging out with him.

In January of 2009, Neil was driving back from a concert with his friend. He was sober and he wasn't texting, but he was driving too fast, which is something I am certainly guilty of. He hit some ice and his car spun around before hitting a tree.

Neil was so lucky that day, as you can see from this picture. However, he was life-flighted to a nearby hospital and was in a coma for awhile. He had to have several surgeries and LOTS of rehabilitation.

Meet Neil after months of surgery and therapy:

See that dent in the side of his head? That's where the doctor took out part of Neil's skull because his brain was swelling due to the trauma of the accident.

Neil has come a long way since then. He's gone through months and months of rehabilitation, relearning how to do simple things like walking and using his left hand (it was paralyzed). He's gone back to school and he volunteers with Alzheimer's patients. He was even on MTV's True Life! Watch the full episode here. It's awesome.

Recently, Neil was asked to be the keynote speaker at an awards ceremony for high schools that have been creating projects to promote safe teen driving. Please watch this video. His speech is amazing! And inspiring. Also, the script is written below if you want to better follow along.

Good morning. As you all know, car accidents are the primary cause of death and disability among adolescents. And here I am, in front of you, a specimen of these facts.

In the beginning of 2009, around midnight, I was driving home from a concert, sober, not texting, or on my phone, but I was going too fast. When I was about three miles from home, I somehow lost control and spun into a tree. The next thing I knew, it was months later and I didn’t know where I was. All I knew was that I was missing half my skull and my brain's gears weren't up to the task of understanding yet. I couldn’t walk, let alone speak.

Fast forward and here I am in front of you. These past two and a half years have been filled with nonstop therapy and school to recover as much of myself as possible. Time has stopped for me. I’m stuck in neutral. My friends have continued forward and left me in the dust. Before my accident, I had a large group of friends and I was constantly out with them. Now, my friends feel awkward, not knowing how to treat or act around me. Before the accident, I often went to concerts. Now, I have yet to go to one. Before the accident, I was constantly out seeing movies. Only recently have I been able to follow the story line of a full length film. Before the accident, I had a season pass to go snowboarding. This past winter, was the first time I was able to be on a board again trying to regain my skills. My processing speed is slower, my vision is not the same; neither is my balance. Before the accident I would be out with friends every weekend playing video games. I don’t have the dexterity to play them now. Before my accident, I was accepted into my first-choice college, but now I am just working to recover some of the skills that I lost; in high school of all places! My future may or may not include college.

Although my life has been changed dramatically, I have tried to make the best of my situation and have found positive experiences. For instance I'm glad I've had this opportunity to be involved with your program. Maybe my story will influence others to not make the same, or similar mistakes.

I am here today to tell you that the projects you have developed for this event will be helpful even if you only save one teen’s life from a car crash. It’s easy for us to tune out adults when they tell us to slow down, not text, or don’t drink and drive. But maybe teens will listen to you. Hopefully, your messages will open the eyes and ears of those who need them most, the teens of New Jersey, including your friends.

Thank you.

So. Meet my cousin Neil:

He's amazing. I'm so proud of him! And I can't wait to see him this summer :]

What I really wanted to say here is that I BEG of you to be careful out there. Neil was lucky. A lot of people aren't. I know we all speed and occasionally text or eat or whatever while driving, but please please PLEASE keep your eyes on the road. Slow down. Don't drive when you're sleepy. I love all of you too much.

Lesson #50

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1.) Surprise!

Well guess what. I have officially blessed your life with 50 life lessons. Woot.

Also. For my birthday yesterday (which was amazing, in case you were wondering) I chopped 12 inches of my hair off and dyed it blonde-ish. I did this for several reasons, namely a) I'm going to France and French people don't have long hair / I don't want to dye my hair there, b) it was birthday so I can do whatever I want and c) some guys I know told me never to cut my hair because guys like long hair, so DUH I cut it all off.

So. This was the hair they cut off. Yes, I know I'm a horse. I have enough for two wigs, I'm pretty sure.

When I first got back to the salon I FREAKED out because my hair looked RIDICULOUS. The girl who did my hair decided to make my head into a balloon and my hair was so poofy I had to wear a hood all day. It didn't work, so I ended up showering and fixing my hair.

Now it looks like this.

I look like I'm 2, but whatever. Anyway, it's growing on me. So now you know what I look like so I don't scare you when you see me again.

Also, I highly recommend getting your hair drastically altered when you want to mix up life a little bit.

ps. I forgot to add before/after pics!!!!

BEFORE

AFTER

Lesson #49

Today's Lesson Objectives include:

1.) Beyoncé.

Well first of all, I'm going to let you know that this is a "feminist" post. All you haters can stop reading now.

Also, before I dive into this, you should know that I love Beyoncé and her music (most of the time). I think she's awesome. So, that being said, sometimes I'm super confused by her messages. This goes for all the lovely women artists out there as well - I feel like you're creating a double-standard for women and girls.

People like Beyoncé and Lady Gaga go out of their way to say things like "be yourself!" and "love who you are!" but they send us this image:

or this one

or this one

or this one.

I'm sure the first thing that comes to your head when I put up pictures like these is something along the lines of, "I get your point, we've heard it a thousand times. They're creating an unrealistic standard for women and girls' bodies, etc." You're right. They are creating that ridiculous standard for women to become and for men to expect. But no, that's not the first thing that comes to my head.

I wonder if these women really do respect themselves. If the world didn't expect them to be sexy or skinny or tan or perfect, would they really pose practically naked for the whole world to see?

When I think of women I admire in this world, I could NEVER imagine them doing something like this. And they don't just tell girls to love themselves. They actually do respect and love themselves and their bodies, and make it a point to be modest in doing so. They expect men to treat them with respect and dignity, like a human being.

So. I'd like you to meet an alternative artist/role model. She's my new favorite singer. She's 23, British, and awesome. She writes AMAZING music.

Oh, and she's definitely bigger than a size 2. And I think she's practically perfect in every way.

Check out this music video. It's the best.

Love you guys.

ps. Did anyone see Beyoncé's new music video? Well, I have issues with it. I was going to explain all my frustrations, but this random girl did it for me. If you watch this, I'll give you a sucker.

2.) New blog layout.

Yes or no?

Lesson #48

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1.) My eye hurts.

It really does. But. The reason for this post is because a) I'm super bored and b) I don't want to go to bed or take a shower.

Listen. I have a million things on my mind right now and I will share them with y'all.

1. I had a dream about Mitt Romney the other night. No idea why. It was creepy because in my dream I found him quite the foxy old man, and he wanted to take me out. I gagged ten times when I woke up and ran to the computer to fill my mind with good democratic knowledge...just to be safe.

2. Have you guys ever read the blog called Hyperbole and a Half? Well I think you should. She has a blog post called "This is Why I'll Never be an Adult" that is about me.

3. I have been watching like a gazillion episodes of 30 Rock everyday and it's the best thing ever. WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WHEN IT'S OVER!?!?!?

Watch this clip.

4. I went to my grandparents' on Sunday to make delicious bread and I ate all of it. ALL OF IT. I'm a fatty pig and I'm ok with it.

5. I've realized that my blog posts are not really lessons anymore. So here are the things you must learn for this week:

a) 30 Rock is the best show ever and you must watch it asap.

b) Haiti is a country in the Caribbean, not Africa.

c) My birthday is on Tuesday and I really like cat things. And chocolate things.

The end.

Lesson #47

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1.) BIRTHDAY!!!!

Ok. So today is not my birthday, or even the day after. BUT my birthday IS next Tuesday, the 24th. Don't forget it.

I love love love my birthday. I have a lot of friends that don't understand my obsession, but I think most of them don't come from large families so they don't understand what it's like! Growing up with 4 other siblings and 2 working parents, you don't get a ton of attention unless you're a baby or you've done something wrong. Yet birthdays were magical in the sense that all of the sudden your parents FINALLY recognized you as the best thing on earth for a whole 24 hours, which means that you didn't have to do any chores! Yes, this was the highlight of my birthdays - there is nothing better than watching your siblings do all the chores you were previously assigned to.

Listen. I have some good birthday stories.

May 24th, 1996: My friend Maddie remembers this birthday more than I do, but apparently my mom had a party for me and gave all of us hats that we could decorate however we wanted. She had a table full of fake flowers and silly ribbons and such. I'm sure it was fantastic, I just can't remember any of it. I DO remember Maddie's birthday that year, however, because she had a Barbie cake. Me = so jealous.

May 24th, 2002: My mom took some friends and I to the mall. Every 12 year-old's dream, right? I bought a pocket hairbrush from Icing. I also ate delicious mall food.

May 24th, 2005: My family forgot about my birthday. I got to school and none of my friends remembered it was my birthday. My mom picked me up from school and I was sobbing. THEN she realized what day it was and bought me 3 new pairs of shoes. Score.

May 24th, 2006: I wasn't going to let ANYONE forget, so my bestie Fayrina (her birthday is today! Happy birthday Fay!!!) and I threw a gigantic party and I think 60 people showed up. Win.

May 24th, 2007: Best. Birthday. Ever.

I was sitting in choir class (it was a final day, so classes were much longer) and we were watching a movie to pass the time because that class was a joke. All of the sudden, my brother Brent walked into the room and gave me a pink rose and walked out. Then one of my friends walked in and gave me a rose and walked out. This happened 12 times with 12 different guys, including one dude I had a huge crush on. It was the nicest thing that ever happened to me! Every single girl in that room fell in love with my brother that day, I'm pretty sure.

Anyway, the idea here is that after my 15th birthday I promised myself that would NEVER happen again, so I've been making my birthday a huge deal since then.

SO.

Don't forget. May 24th, we will party in honor of my 21 years of life by drinking and gambling.

Just kidding.

But we WILL have a birthday cat present.

ps. If you read this post, you have to comment with either:

a.) your "best birthday ever" story

b.) all the reasons you love me

c.) what you're getting me for my b-day

Lesson #46

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1.) PDA

I feel like I've already addressed this issue, but I'm bringing it up again. My friend Amanda suggested it to me, and so here I go.

I HATE PDA.

For those of you who have been living under a rock for 100 years, PDA = public displays of affection.

Now, I know some of you might say something to the effect of, "Oh, so I'm not allowed to let my boyfriend know how much I love him in front of his friends?," to which I might reply, "Does your tongue have to be in his mouth to let him know you love him?"

However, I understand there are different levels of PDA, and some may or may not be appropriate to share with the world. Let's break it down into 5 bases (from my version of baseball):

Base #1 - Staring longingly at each other.

If this happens during lunch, fine. Whatever. Sometimes it's actually hilarious to watch as you flirt shamelessly across the room. Just don't do it near me. It freaks me out in close quarters.

Base #2 - Holding hands.

I find this acceptable in public with moderation. I just really despise the couples that HAVE to be holding hands ALL THE TIME. For example, there was a couple in one of my classes that held hands during class, and the girl always sat in front of the boy. HOLY AWKWARD. And uncomfortable-looking. How could they enjoy that? I also hate when people are walking through a tight space and refuse to let me pass through them without breaking their hands, so we end up doing this creepy version of "London Bridge." Hate it.

Base #3 - Cuddling.

Some of you might say that this comes before holding hands in a relationship, but in public it usually comes after. Aaaand it's repulsive. You just look super awkward and you make everyone else feel that way too.

Base #4 - Kissing.

I've always hated people kissing in public, and I've never done it myself. I feel like those moments should be kept private, even if it's just a "peck." That word itself suggests you're a bird. But "passionate" kissing should ALWAYS be withheld from the public's eyes. It's just wrong and you look stupid.

Base #5 - Kissy pictures on facebook.

Two things to address here. First off, I understand that this cannot be the last base. I did take a sex ed class, so I know the drill. However, where I live no one makes it past this point, and if they do they are eternally punished unless they're married. Even then no one likes talking about it, so this is as far as we get. Second on the agenda, YOUR KISSY PICTURES DO NOT BELONG ON FACEBOOK. Ooooo they are so nasty. And weird. And just dumb. I KNOW you're in a relationship with her, it says so on your info tab. You don't have to prove it by documenting your love-making that nobody wants to see. And again, it just looks weird.

That is all on this topic of conversation.

Lesson #45

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1.) Dating.

Ok. This is a secret post, meaning I probably won't tell anyone about it so if you happen to come across yay for you. It's also embarrassing for me so I'm probably going to delete soon. Ha.

Anyway, I'm sick and tired of getting comments like, "You're single? How is that possible? You're so cute!" and it's making me sick. Do you realize it's insulting? You're basically telling me that a) being attractive is all I really need to get a man and b) if I'm attractive and still single, there must be something wrong with me.

Well GUESS WHAT. There is something "wrong" with me, and it's called I have a LIFE.

For the benefit of my lovely mother and other members of my family [and friends] who think I should date more, I will explain the reasons I don't.

1. I have this weird obsession with the idea of being single and 30. Mom, don't have a heart attack when you read this.

2. I have ridiculously high standards. When I say that I mean I have very particular things that I look for in men, and if they don't possess it then I'm not interested. For example, they can't be scared of me. This is a little difficult. I also tend to dislike guys who open my car door for me. This all makes me seem snobbish, I know.

3. I'm very focused on my potential future, and I find that men can inhibit that. Not ok with me.

4. I don't touch people. According to my brother, this severely damages my prospects because apparently guys really like a girl who doesn't hug the other side of the couch while watching a movie. I can't help it, ok?! It's nothing against you.

5. Men who want relationships scare me...a little bit.

So there you have it. I should add an unofficial #6: I dream of hunky French men. And Asian men. Not a lot of those around here. Buuuuut that's beside the point. I don't date because I'm not interested in dating, and I haven't met anyone to convince me otherwise. Also, there is NO WAY anyone I date will be as lovely as Mr. Knightley. Jane Austen's characters have shattered my dreams of reality.

Lesson #44

Today's Lesson Objective today includes:

1.) Mothers.

Before I dive into today's thoughts, I'd just like to give a shout out to my mama.

She's pretty awesome, though we do have our differences. Over the years we've had some rough spots, but at the end of the day she's always there for me. I remember there would be days I'd come home from school so depressed and my mom would draw up a bath and let me eat graham crackers and chocolate frosting while soaking in bubbles. It was the best, not to mention the towel she would warm up in the dryer. It was heaven. We would stay up so late talking and laughing and by the morning I'd forget what I was so upset about. That's my mother.

Wanna know something else cool about my mother? She's a working mom. For as long as I can remember, my mom has had a job.

In church today, we listened to 3 people speak to the congregation - 2 women and 1 man. The women talked about the importance of mothers, how they've affected their life, etc. You know, typical mother things. The man, not to my surprise, decided to address mothers and their need to stay in the home and how bad it is for them to work because men are incapable of filling that need for the children.

Dear man who spoke in church: Kiss my butt.

Why is it that raising children has been seen as only a woman's duty? This makes me sick. It seems there's a huge emphasis on separating motherhood from fatherhood, but really they're under the same umbrella of parenthood. Hate to break it to you boys, but you have to raise your children too! I have faith that you can do it.

Motherhood shouldn't be different from fatherhood, in my opinion. Aside from my mother physically giving birth to me, the only reason she's different from my father is because her name is Suzanne and she's a very talkative, very bubbly person. My father, Timothy, is a very stoic and quiet person. Naturally, my relationships with these people are different. But they are both equally my parents because they were both very active in the process of raising me, even when they were both working.

I'd also like to note that you should NEVER judge mothers who work. You don't understand the circumstances that surround that, and it's none of your business. And just because she works doesn't mean she's less of a parent or that her family suffers because of it. I have a few inappropriate words for those who give mothers a hard time for working outside the home.

I salute all the mothers out there who are single or divorced or widowed or married. God knows you're probably doing the brunt of the work, and for that you deserve the best. It seems women don't have the luxury of choosing when to be parent, and they're always trying to fill the missing holes that other people leave behind. You guys are awesome, not just because you're parents, but because you're you. We love you.

Lesson #43

Today's Lesson Objectives include:

1.) You don't know what real love is.

I have a lot of pet peeves, but every time someone asks me what they are I can't name more than two. BUT. I thought of one while reading a blog. And this is how it goes:

I really really really HATE it when people are obsessed with something they know nothing about. For example, there are 50 million girls in America right now that have all sorts of jewelry or posters or lamp shades that depict the Eiffel Tower. You don't deserve to wear that sacred symbol! Worse than that, many of these people have rich parents that take them to France where they can spend all their money pretending they're French, when in fact they can't speak a lick of the language and they're obnoxious tourists that French people don't actually like!

Get it through your heads. Liking France and really appreciating it are two different things. You don't get to because you haven't spent three years of your life conjugating verbs in the subjunctive. So there.

Another one that I DESPISE are girls that are obsessed with "vintage" things. First of all girls, you have no idea what that word means. When you say the word "vintage" you are basically describing anything made before the 1990's and after the early 1800's. That's a freaking huge time period, in case you didn't know. Most girls like to pin it to the 1920's through the 60's, but each of those decades are known for different trends and styles in music, dress, and art. So you really can't group them into one word. Sorry to burst your bubble.

I guess a lot of these people feel like they're entitled because they have the money to go to France and buy "vintage" clothes, but you don't understand the true essence so TOO BAD. I win.

2.) Real love is in the form of Asian men.

Ok, sorry about my rant. I had to get that out. And for your cooperation, I will let you in a little secret that I've decided I'm not so ashamed of anymore: I am extremely attracted to Asian men.

I don't know why I've had this secret obsession, but I believe it all started when I first saw Cinderella with Brandy. You know the one I'm talking about? You can't miss it. Brandy (Cinderella) is black and her stepmother is white, yet one of her step-sisters is black and the other one is white. The queen is black and the king is white, and their son is Asian. It's awesome. Anyway, so I find that prince hunky and always have.

Yum.

So after that I was in love. I distinctly remember watching the 2000 Olympics in Australia and thinking the Japanese gymnasts were soooooo hot. It just went downhill from there.

Now you know my secret. I hope you liked it.