Lesson #22

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1.) My [informal] complaint letter to the makers of Frosted Mini Spooners.

Dear creators of Frosted Mini Spooners,

I love your cereal. I really do. I actually prefer it to the name brand, so consider that a complement. BUTTTT....

I really feel that you should take better care to frost ALL of the mini spooners. And when I say frost I mean really frost it. Frost it like you frost your grandmother's Christmas cookies. Frost it like Frosty the Snowman frosts his tiny town. Ok, I'm sorry for setting the record on the number of times "frost" has been used in a letter and also for all the Christmas references, but I'm being serious.

I must tell you my utter dislike for mini spooners that aren't covered in sugar. It's basically a mouth full of wheat. In fact, it IS a mouth full of wheat. I don't know about you guys, but when I was young my mother, in order to punish us for saying bad words, used to shove handfuls of wheat in my mouth. No, not soap - that was too traditional. Wheat. So, while trying to enjoy your product, you are making me have terrible flashbacks to the times when I sinned, therefore undoing all of Jesus's work to help me get over it.

Yes, I'm comparing you guys to the devil. So please, frost those spooners.

Sincerely,

Lesa

ps. I'm lying about the wheat-in-the-mouth thing.
pss. I take back the apology about Christmas.

Lesson #21

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1.) The 3rd wheel.

I think that's my official title. The 3rd wheel. The extra girl that never has a date but we'll bring her along because she amuses us.

What I really want to get at here is that there is nothing wrong with being the 3rd wheel as long as the couple is behaving themselves. So here are some ground rules I think these couples need to go over before inviting a friend to join them:

a. Don't be affectionate. I'm pretty sure there's nothing worse than sitting across the table from your friends watching them snuggle and kiss and hold hands. This will bring up one of two thoughts, namely "Wow, I am a loser. Why the heck am I incapable of securing a date for the evening?" or more common for me, "Do I look like that when I'm kissing? Sick." But usually it just turns into, "I'd rather be doing homework."

b. Be actively engaged in conversation WITH THE 3RD WHEEL. It's soooo annoying when the couple has their own side conversation, leaving the 3rd wheel to feel completely and hopelessly awkward.

c. If the 3rd wheel has volunteered to drive, don't you dare sit in the back with your lover. Doing so has subjected your friend to feel like the chauffeur, thus contributing to the dislike of being around you two.

I would say the most important rule would be...

d. Don't invite a third person.

The end.

Paris!

Mistake #1: Going to the most romantic city in the world by yourself.

Paris is gorgeous. There's so much to do and so much more to eat. The Eiffel Tower is a lot bigger than I had previously thought, the Catacombes were really weird, and I saw some of Van Gogh's work with my very own eyeballs. While I'm trying to convince myself that I am so lucky to be in Paris and see things people only dream of, all I can think about is sharing it with someone special - a boy I like, my friends, my mom. I think it would have been so much better if I would have brought a friend or met my lover or made Caitlyn come with me despite her protests of being too poor.

Mistake #2: Not doing the 2 things I really cared about.

The first thing I wanted to do was buy a baguette or chocolate or a crepe and sit down by the Eiffel Tower while eating my delicious snack and staring at people. This is a modified goal from the previous one of wanting to get into a baguette fight with one of the Olsen twins while on a french boy's shoulders. Seeing as the latter is a tad bit impossible, I thought I'd change it. So simple, and I didn't even get a chance to do it!!!
My second goal was to buy a penis baguette from the gay bakery. Self-explanatory.

Best decision ever #1: Not entering the Louvre.

Maybe people will hate me for this, but I quite honestly don't care a tiny bit that I didn't actually go in. I was perfectly fine with taking my picture by the weird pyramids and moving on.

Best decision ever #2: Not swimming in the Seine.

Wasn't planning on it, but seeing the water confirmed my dislike for gross things.

...

SO. Paris was good. I did many things. I would like to go back with someone, preferably a lover. French bread is good. The end.

Lyon

Lyon is one of the lesser-known places in France, yet it's the third largest city. I guess it makes sense since most people associate the country France with the city Paris, and when you ask them to name other cities the only ones they can think of are port cities like Marseille or Nice.

Yet somewhere in the middle of this beautiful country there is a fairly large city named Lyon, which I would say is the french equivalent of San Francisco - there are many large hills and hippies that dot the landscape.

In all of my french classes that discussed culture, they stressed two things you must do when visiting so as not to stand out - don't smile and dress nicely. When I arrived here, I was trying very hard not to smile despite my pure bliss. Yet almost every person I pass on the streets here will smile at you! I don't even look at them and I can hear a "bonjour!" and as I look over they are giving me the biggest smiles while holding their tiny dogs. Their choice of wardrobe is as surprising as their smiles. I saw a lady today wearing a flower pattern shirt and a plaid skirt. That is the biggest no no in the history of fashion, yet here is a seasoned french woman displaying her insane choice of patterns. I couldn't help but smile at how relaxed and nice everyone is here in Lyon. I feel a tad overdressed at times, which is huge for someone like me.

Everything here is ancient, which makes it so beautiful and romantic. I absolutely love visiting the old cathedrals and sitting in Vieux (Old) Lyon, just taking it all in. The parks here are spectacular, as you could imagine, and the food...where do I even start?! FOOOOOOD. Oh goodness, I could write a million blogs about the food. I promise I will gain 50lbs while I'm here. Oh! And I must mention the part I absolutely adore about this city because I'm a huge history buff - so Lyon was the center for the French Resistance during WWII. This was largely due to the secret passageways between buildings that the fighters used to escape the Nazis throughout the city. These passageways still exist and only a small percentage of them are marked, so it's kinda fun trying to find the other ones by opening random doors you'll see on the street. I don't know why, but I just love that.

I could go on forever about this city, but I'm sure you're already bored. I leave for Paris on Monday and I'm terrified that I won't like it because I'm pretty sure people don't smile there and they dress really nicely. But if you've been there, do you have any suggestions on what I should see?

la France

I did it.

I finally made it to the country of my dreams.

The only problem...? I've built France up in my head so much that I made it this wonderful, classy place in my imagination. I made it here only to find that I love it so much and I've convinced myself that I need to live here. This is a problem since I'm supposed to live in Africa someday.

Now let me explain. I'm not in Paris, and I'm convinced that it's the reason I love it here. Granted, it is only my second day, but there are hardly any tourists (none of which are American that I've seen), everyone thinks I'm french, and I had chocolate for breakfast this morning.

Lyon is gorgeous. It really is France's best kept secret, and I hope it stays that way. Also I'm planning on dropping out of school and staying here so if you want to visit please let me know.

See ya never.

Lessons from Haiti

If you ever plan on going to Haiti in the near future, I recommend preparing yourself. Here is a list of all things Haitian:

1. Sweat. It's everywhere. You can't escape it. Bring lots of extra clothes - you'll soak through at least 2 outfits a day.
2. Haitian women don't wear bras. Yikes.
3. I thoroughly recommend bringing a gun to kill all the annoying dogs and roosters that make too much noise while you're trying to sleep.
4. Mangoes = diarrhea and rice = constipation. Eat a healthy mix and your poop will be fine.
5. Shorts. Highly recommended, but with a hefty dose of bug spray.
6. I hate stupid Americans that don't know what development is or how it should work.
7. Haitian kids are the cutest things on the planet and they deserve so much better then what they have.
8. Watch out for those Haitian men, ladies. They will creep you right out of the country.
9. Learn creole. They really appreciate that.
10. The food, the water, the driving - just don't think about it. You will survive as long as you pretend everything is normal.

The one major thing I personally learned from this experience is that I want to do development work for the rest of my life. I don't see how my life could be any more fulfilling.

Hey you!

Mmmmmk.

So much has happened in the past week. I have no idea where to start....?

Well, can I say that Haitian kids are the cutest things ever to grace the planet. And I'm not just saying that because I love Haitians. They are soooo cute and they love white people. Every time we walk down the street kids come out of nowhere yelling "Hey you! What is your name?" That's pretty much all they know in english. Then they proceed to follow us down the street, sometimes holding your hand or sometimes clinging to your leg. I went to 2 orphanages last week and I wanted to cry. You know those commercials where they show really sad kids with bugs in their eyes and big bellies from malnutrition? EVERY kid in the orphanage looks like that. Some are better than others, but it's usually one person in charge of like 50 kids and it is so hard for them to care for all the kids. Also there are reported to be 1 million orphans in Haiti and I can guarantee they're not getting the love or attention they deserve. On the plus side, we had a pretty intense soccer game at one of the orphanages - yes, they kicked our trash. Hard core.

Every morning we teach english for free to whoever wants to come. 2 weeks ago there were 30 people. This week there were over 100! I love it. And speaking french comes in handy because I can definitely help out as far as explaining things. Also all the boys love to tell me how pretty I am. It's awesome.

All the girls in my group look freaking gorgeous all the time. I'm going to kill them.

It's still really hot, except apparently I chose the right time to come to Haiti because it's their rainy season and everyday there will be a short time when I'm cold - I will never take that for granted again.

I take bucket showers. It's totally legit.

I hope you're all still alive and kicking. Eat lots of carrots and handburgers for me. Also drink out of the faucet.