Lesson #18

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1.) Mumblers.

One of the many frustrating things in this world for me is mumbling - I just can't stand people who don't know how to open their mouth wide enough to let real words come out. Maybe it's because I have such a big mouth and I constantly use my "outside voice", but am I really crazy for demanding people to speak more clearly?

Here is an example conversation (based on a real one):

Me: Hey! How is it going? I haven't see you in ages.

Mumbler: Oh, I'm good. You?

Me: Perfect. What have you been up to lately?

Mumbler: Well, not too much...asdlkfjweknfasd;lierfnalskvjnde;ginwjkdjnslkgjad;lkfnsdlckjdfvnefklsdkja;dlfjkasdflkj.

Me: ...mmk it was nice seeing ya!

These conversations only get worse when you're forced to talk to chronic mumblers over the phone. I feel like I'm constantly saying "What? I can't understand you. Try opening your mouth and talking into the phone. I can't make out your throat noises." What really sucks is that everyday I have to speak to a mumbler in French. Yet not only is he a mumbler, but he has a Creole accent on top of his Quebecois French accent. No, I can never understand what he says. Yes, I do avoid him at all costs. I could go on and on with this subject but let's get to the point:

a. Learn to speak.
b. Try increasing the volume.
c. Don't EVER talk to people on the phone.

Lesson #17

Today's Lesson Objectives include:

1.) Hideous blog layouts.

Yes, I know the layout for my blog is totally gay. I have no idea how to fix it, so until someone shows me you're going to have to read my [mostly] sarcastic commentary with an extremely girly and possibly immature background.

2.) Teachers that can make or break a class your education.

I am currently studying the french language. No, I am not fluent. Yes, I do suck at it. HOWEVER, I love it. It's a curse really, loving something you're not very good at. C'est la vie, n'est pas? I've unfortunately had the opportunity to speak with two of my french professors in the past 4 months that have each asked me if there is another major more suitable to my strengths. It really hurts having people, especially professionals in the field, not believe that you can do it.

These wonderful encounters with each of the professors reminded me of a most beloved choir teacher in high school. Not only did she personally not like me, but she made it clear that she didn't believe that I had what it took to excel in music. I kept trying to tell myself not to listen, but her attitude towards me affected me deeply. It didn't matter that I had sang in prestigious choirs or that I received extremely high scores from judges at competitions - she didn't believe in me, and I in turn couldn't believe in myself. Since then, I have regrettably given up on my music and the dream of singing professionally. I continue to sing, but mostly in the kitchen while I cook.

When I fell in love with french, I was super nervous because it isn't something that comes as easily to me as music does. So to have not one but two professors, on top of my apprehensions, tell me that I should study something different was really not the best thing for me. It was then that I thought back on what had happened to me a few short years ago and I realized something - I can do it. I should do it. And yes, I will do it.

So suck it Mrs. N. Je ne vous ai pas besoin.

I'm gonna learn the freaking language. Once this is accomplished I'm going to change the world. After that I am going to write a book about my experiences and I will dedicate it to those who didn't believe in me - without you guys, I would never have pushed myself so hard to be where I am today.

Lesson #16

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1.) 16 things that make me happy.

I, like so many other people in this world, am not a naturally happy person. I don't smile unless there is a good reason to, I don't laugh unless I feel it's necessary, and I have rarely felt that sunny warmth of happiness when I am alone.

I was inspired by Katie Sokoler's blog to create this entry. She's always blogging about these really fun, cute things that always brighten my day. I rely on so many different things in my life to get me through the day, and I thought that sharing them might help others who are looking for a little ray of sunshine on a cloudy day.

16 THINGS THAT MAKE ME HAPPY:

my faith

my family

my friends

daisies

lazy Sundays

singing at the top of my lungs in the car

a really good book

bacon

pretty umbrellas on rainy days

wearing pretty dresses

music

peeing in the shower

french

taking naps

watching old movies while eating ice cream

Nebraska thunderstorms

(my heaven)

What makes you happy?

Lesson #15

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1.) Dementors.

For all of you avid Harry Potter fans, I thought I would make reference to dementors. It's only appropriate to speak of these happiness-sucking, depression-causing creatures during finals week. Let's sum it up in 5 words:

Finals are synonymous with dementors.

While procrastinating my studying yesterday, I came across a clip from the movie Invictus with Morgan Freeman (who looks EXACTLY like Nelson Mandela. Like they're twins.). In this particular snippet from the movie, Mr. Mandela was reciting a poem that helped him survive incarceration. The name of this poem, coincidentally, is called "Invictus." It goes as follows:

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

This of course inspired me to write words of encouragement to all my fellow college students. Ready?:

You can do it!

Yay for getting good grades!

Just kidding! Passing is good too!

Just because you failed doesn't mean you fail at life!

Exclamation points should always make you feel better!

It's ok, Jesus loves you.

And gosh darn it guys, you are the captain of your soul! So don't you dare forget to use the Petronus charm to finish your finals and save your soul.


ps. I'm sorry to all of the BYU students who have taken their finals already. I know without my words of encouragement you most likely failed and have no soul anymore. That's ok. Jesus still loves you.

Lesson #14

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1.) Blasphemous professors.

I was fortunate enough to take a class from a very confused old man during the last few months. It really has been quite the adventure. Somewhere between him claiming that he was really supposed to have been born in 1872 in Germany because of a dream he had and his moving stories about throwing sticks before he hurt his knee, I was struck with an idea - I need to have a dream explaining why I prefer nature to modern (and distasteful) industrial life. I mean, if his dream explained why he felt like he never fit in with technology and why he prefers wearing wool vests with wooden buttons, then surely God would give me a dream to explain why I love nature and soaking up the sun for hours and lathering mud all over my feet!

So, of course, I did dream about how I was supposed to have been born a tree in 1753 in Canada. I guess the angel with the list (who may or may not have been my roommate) forgot about me and the only place that was left for my spirit was in the body of a girl born in 1990 in the US. She had to live in Nebraska, which is the reject of all the states, but the angel promised me that there would be lots of trees so I would feel at home. I jolted awake from my dream [that happened to take place while I was fully conscious] and I ran around for joy. Finally! My strange tendencies to roll around in mud and turn green were explained! I was supposed to be a tree!

Thank goodness my professor was able to open my eyes and help me to realize my true potential. For our last class together today, he dressed up as the man he was supposed to be (authentic wardrobe and everything) and was able to be "in his element," as he put it. He inspired me to do the same - tomorrow I am going to stand in the park, drink water through my feet (not as easy as it looks), and photosynthesize. I encourage all of you to find your real self by dreaming about who you were really supposed to come to earth as and chase your dreams, just like me and my professor. Don't forget to share your special revelation with everyone you know and even those you don't!

Lesson #13

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1.) Setting your sights too high.

I find it very ironic and also slightly creepy that this lesson is the unlucky number of 13, as today's lesson is derived from a very long month of being on a very unlucky roller coaster. Let's just say that I've learned 2 pertinent things from this bumpy and very awkward ride:

a. Don't pick a roller coaster you can't handle.

b. If you do, buckle up and prepare to throw up when it's over.

Roller coasters are very fickle. They're never sure what direction to take so they just let the track lead them until they end up spiraling down a large hill headed for disaster. Yet somehow they manage to make it. They coast into the gate, relived it's all over and back to normal. What about the passengers, you might ask? They love the ride. They think it's great. They have total confidence in the roller coaster that it knows what it's doing and where it's going. Then that great big mountain of a track comes. The passenger can see the drop but can't stop from falling down. Panic is manifested in the silent screams as they plummet to the bottom. Yet they too, make it out ok...but slightly more terrified and permanently damaged as compared to the roller coaster. Many passengers end up having trust issues with other roller coasters for the rest of their lives.

The moral of that very clever and highly intelligent analogy is this: roller coasters suck. They really do. But I keep riding them. I probably will for a really long time. So will you. And I guess someday we'll find a roller coaster that doesn't make us want to cry or make us feel nauseous. When that day comes, I'll most likely be at Disneyland. And it will most likely be the teacup ride.

Lesson #12

Today's lesson objectives include:

1.) Wanting to die.

Recently I've become a victim of annoying myself past the point where it's allowed.

You know what I mean, right?

That feeling where words are flowing out and you feel like you really shouldn't be saying those words but for some reason you keep going until you reach the point where you really can't stop or backtrack = my life at the present moment.

I have been officially annoying myself (and others - they too are included in this cycle of death). It's disgusting. I've been involved in some conversations lately that I just wish had never happened, or at least not the parts where I babbled about absolutely nothing and then proceeded to relay all the information that has been stored in my brain; this information includes but is not limited to what I learned in class on a particular day, my deepest darkest secrets, and what I think about the current political situation in Haiti.

I might also add that it doesn't really help when you're trying not to make a fool of yourself in front of a certain someone, yet this is still accomplished because for some reason you're going through a "why am I not shutting up?" phase.

I guess this lesson we've learned here is:

a. Learn when to shut up.
b. If you feel like you might be annoying, you probably are.
c. I use way too many run-on sentences.