Lesson #66

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1.) Regrets.

WARNING: I am about to get super sentimental. If you hate feelings, leave now.

Before I get into the thick of it, you must listen to this song whilst reading:

Ok, folks. I can't help but review all my life when I listen to this song. I love it so much. BUT I guess I really start thinking about all the things I wish I did differently. I used to tell myself that I never regret anything because it got me to where I am today. To a point, that's very true. But really it's important to regret things. How else could we make right all our wrongs?

Aaaaaanyway, I've narrowed it to my top 3 regrets that for some stupid reason I'm going to share with all the blogging world. Stupid.

#1. I regret not pursuing music.

I miss performing more than anything on this planet. That sounds ridiculous to all the people who know that I get sooooo nervous even to sing to someone in my living room. But once you push me on that stage and get me started, I never want to stop. Music is my heart and soul. And I don't think that I will ever stop dreaming of singing on a real Broadway stage. Or in a jazz club. But that will NEVER happen. I'm too chicken.

#2. Getting good grades.

Ok, I'm not a complete failure in this area, but I have limited myself. Not that I would ever go to grad school, but if I did I probably couldn't make it into any of the universities I really like. I don't regret, however, all the AMAZING things I accomplished during my time in college. Woot woot for all the random road trips and late night snaking and ridiculousness that [sober] college consists of.

#3. Not being a better friend.

I don't try as hard as my friends deserve. The worst thing is that I know it. Gah I'm such a bad person. I wish I was a better listener. I wish I was more grateful. I wish I was nicer and more understanding and just better.

Ok now I'm just annoying myself. This is what happens when you're about to "leave" life for 18 months - you just act like you're about to die. Which is pretty much true.

You know what I'll never regret? Saving and spending all my money to go to France...

...and some other stuff.

Lesson #65

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1.) The missing women.

The World Bank has officially released the 2012 World Development Report on Gender Equality and Development. These reports on gender equality that are produced by the World Bank or the United Nations and other similar organizations are a relatively new thing, as the phenomenon of women being treated as dirt has been barely realized in past decades as a serious matter that, if improved, could actually decrease poverty. Imagine that!

Looking through the report's fancy charts and graphs, I noticed that they've furthered research on the missing women theory. In fact, they have found that "nearly 4 million women go missing each year in developing countries." Firstly, you should understand that by "missing" they don't mean someone kidnapped them or they just up and left to live in the jungle. It means that 4 million women die each year to causes that should have been prevented.

Amartya Sen actually published an article in 1990 (linked above) claiming that there are over 100 million women missing in Asia due to sex-selective abortions, female infanticide, and unequal medical treatment given to girls. Of course this continues today, and I find it to be one of the most depressing truths about the world.

Here's the chart provided on their website:

I think it's safe to assume that most of you won't even bat an eyelash at this report. I'll tell you that I don't feel like I learned anything new from this. They've produced the same information every year. Women are dying and nobody cares. Women can't get an education and nobody cares. Things have DEFINITELY improved, thanks to those who try to do something about it. But most don't. So, if you could do me a favor and just during your day sometime pray for these women around the world, I would love you forever.

And excuse me while I go cry myself to sleep.

Lesson #64

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1.) Where have you been?!

Mmk. I'm reeeaaaally sorry about not updating this lately. BUT here are things of late:

a) I moved back to my lovely home state. Gag me.

b) I wake up at noon everyday and watch Netflix. Love my life.

c) I chill with the sister missionaries all the live long day.

That is it. Shortest blog post ever. I'll update maybe tomorrow. Or the next day.

Oh! And my hair is dark again. I have ADD with my hair. Don't ask.

I love you all.

Lesson #63

Today's Lesson Objectives include:

1.) You only read this for my controversial topics, so I'd like to supply you with some more.

First things first: LADY PARTS

I'm sure a lot of you squirm at the thought of discussing this topic (men and women alike), to which I would like to tell you to GET OVER IT. Ladies: You have them, so stop being embarrassed about talking about them. Gentlemen: At some point in your life you will have to live with the realities of this, so stop fussing so much. SHEESH.

Don't worry, I'm not going to be "graphic." I just would like to point something out. I am a woman. Naturally, I've determined this based on my physical differences between my male counterparts. I was born this way, and I like me this way. My lady parts allow me to have all sorts of advantages, namely the ability to have babies, not get hurt when hit in the crotch with a ball, etc. So I DO NOT appreciate when ANYONE, men or women, make me feel like my natural body is gross or tainted or unmentionable.

My body is beautiful just the way it is. All bodies are. But guess what. Every month, like clockwork, I have a PERIOD. No, it is not necessarily the cutest feature I possess, but I do not hate it and I do not feel dirty when I'm experiencing it. It is not a gross thing, so STOP BEING SO AFRAID OF IT!!!!!

Second topic: PRO-CHOICE

I am pro-choice. I think I have mentioned this on a previous occasion, but I did not expand.

For those out there that don't understand this terminology, it means that I believe a woman has the right to an abortion if she so chooses. No, I would not personally choose to do so, and no, I do not advise women to do so. However, if that is their decision, I support them.

I've upset a lot of people by saying this, but I think watching this short video would help you broaden your view just a little bit. Hopefully.

As someone who studies poverty, I know that controlling the population can help tremendously with controlling poverty. I also know that some women are so desperate to not have to feed another child that if we do not legalize abortions, they will do it on their own somehow, which could cost their life.

Instead of trying SO hard to keep children in the womb, why don't we spend more time trying to keep the children that are born healthy? Why don't we try harder to provide healthcare for those women and their children? I think our priorities are messed up.

And thirdly: RAPE

I bring this up based on a conversation I recently had with someone who I deeply admire and respect. Our conversation, however, made me very upset to the point that I cannot accept what they believe in this case.

I will ALWAYS defend a woman who was raped. I don't care if she was drinking. I don't care if she was dressed "inappropriately." I don't care if she was alone at night. I don't care if she hangs out with "questionable people." If a man forces her to have sex, it is wrong. And it is not less wrong if she is a "promiscuous" person.

Perhaps there are certain situations we can avoid or certain people we can avoid to prevent such terrible things happening. But A WOMAN DOES NOT CAUSE HER OWN RAPE. Any woman who is put through that goes through as much trauma as the next, no matter her sexual history.

I just wonder if I had ever gone down a path that led me to be a woman who drinks fairly often and dresses for attention and sleeps with strange men, would my family still care about me? Would they still love me? I would like to think that they would. So despite my history or standards, if I was raped they would probably care. A LOT.

It's funny how you start to see things different when you imagine them happening to your family or to yourself. Think about it.

Lesson #62

Today's Lesson Objectives include:

1.) Reason #23,092 God made me a Mormon.

I think smoking is cool.

I'm just going to throw it out there, because all I've been doing for the past week is watching people smoke like crazy on a tv show and it just makes me wish that a.) smoking wouldn't kill me b.) it wouldn't make me really wrinkly with yellow teeth and c.) it wouldn't kill all the people around me.

I remember when I was little, my brother and I would go to the gas station by our house and buy candy cigarettes and pretend to smoke them. All I could think was "I know smoking is bad and my teachers tell us it isn't cool, but it is! Everyone who smokes looks awesome!"

Maybe I get this terrible attitude from all the old movies I grew up watching. Humphrey Bogart, Audrey Hepburn, Cary Grant, Jimmy Stewart - all my favorite actors were chimneys! For heaven's sake, look at the AWESOMENESS of James Dean:

I don't think he could get any sexier.

This is just another reason why I'm convinced God wanted me to be Mormon. My mind is so polluted with this stupid reasoning for bad things. If it wasn't for religion, I would probably have lung cancer by now. And a baby. Really, being religious has saved my life, I'm pretty sure.

2.) Rantings?!?!

So at work the other day I heard a conversation like this:

Girl #1: The only problem with my career field is that women definitely don't get paid as much as men. Everyone knows it. But there's less of us, so I don't know.

Girl #2: Ya, that really sucks. But it's just the way it is, you know?

Me: WHAT THE?!?!?!?

SO me being me (of course) I pulled aside Girl #2 after the other one had left and I informed her that she has a TERRIBLE attitude. She replied saying, "I know it's a terrible thing. But have you read the news lately about women in Afghanistan? It's awful what they go through. We're so lucky here, you know?"

I have a few points about that. Don't worry, I shared them with her too. But you all need to understand this.

#1 - The "recent" news about women in Afghanistan has been going on FOR QUITE A WHILE. I absolutely HATE when people state these things as "recent." They're very old traditions. Also, don't try to enlighten me about women's situations around the world, especially when you're just coming to found out about it (which is a tragedy in and of itself). This is what I study, think about, and talk about all day. I could talk your ear off for a YEAR about what women go through in this world.

#2 - There are terrible things that happen to people all over the world. Though "comparatively" we of the developed world have it "better," I cannot look at the tragedies of other women and settle for what we've been given. Yes, a lot of women would LOVE to be in our situations. But I'm sure that even if we pulled a girl from Afghanistan to live, study, and work in the United States, at some point she would see the injustices. She would notice she wasn't getting paid as much as her male counterparts, or she would notice that thousands of women struggle without healthcare, or she would notice that women only comprise of 13% of Congress, when we make up more than half the population. I really don't think any educated woman, despite her history, would think that was ok. And she would fight it.

We CANNOT SETTLE FOR LESS THAN WE DESERVE. Do you understand that? I REFUSE to be paid less. I REFUSE to be seen as an object rather than a person. I REFUSE to accept the fact that I am in charge of a man not raping me. I REFUSE to raise my children in ignorance.

When you settle for less, you make it harder for those who want to achieve equality. Just so you know.

Lesson #61

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1.) Body image.

As a feminist, I am constantly abhorred by all the terrible things women and girls are subject to as a result of the media's portrayal of the "ideal woman" - tall, skinny, perfect skin, beautiful hair. Women and girls suffer from depression, severely low self-esteem, and are prone to developing eating disorders. In a recent study, over 75 percent of fourth graders claimed they were "on a diet."

This is disgusting to me. Even more disgusting? Even the women we view as already perfect don't quite make the cut.

The real Faith Hill is on the left. On the right, you will notice they slimmed her arms, her back, her face, and they removed any blemishes before putting her picture on the cover of this magazine.

What kind of world are we living in that would allow this to happen? It's issues like this that led me to becoming a feminist in the first place.

Yet here's the thing - though I absolutely HATE this, I am indeed a victim of this society in that I experience low self-esteem about my body A LOT. As much as I try to talk myself out of it, I hate looking at myself naked. I get jealous every time I see a beautiful girl that I wish I looked like. I still imagine myself losing 15 pounds and knowing that life would be better if I did.

But I will say that I've come a loooooong way since taking a stand against this injustice. Becoming a feminist gave me the self confidence to look at myself and honestly like what I see - not just what I look like, but who I am as a person.

An important concept dawned on me today while I was in the bathroom. All inspiring thoughts come to me in the bathroom. While critiquing my body in a mirror, I had the sudden realization that I AM A HEALTHY WEIGHT. And I'm 99.9% sure that this is my healthy weight and I cannot compare my body to anyone else because NO TWO WOMEN ARE ALIKE.

SO. If you don't like what I look like, I suggest you stop looking at me because I'm probably not going to look any different. And I understand that although I've come to terms with this, I will definitely still have "fat days" and I will probably try at least 10 new diets. But I'm pretty ok with me. Besides, those diets are not going to last more than 2 days before I remember that I really love ice cream.

For the record, I think you're beautiful. And I think you should think that too.

Lesson #60

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1.) Childhood.

Every time I visit my hometown I get really sentimental, though I often complain about growing up in Nebraska. Don't get me wrong, I love it and I'm so glad I grew up in a place with amazing people and opportunities, it's just a little too humid and a little too boring for me. Anyway, spending the last week here has led me to finding photo albums and subsequently spending some time reminiscing about my life here that I left behind.

I don't miss high school. Not one bit, though I do miss my friends. Middle school I've completely erased from my memory. It's elementary school days that I crave. I just wish I was a kid again. I miss not having any real responsibilities or homework or people to disappoint. I miss having the entire summer to play with friends and not understand that life goes on outside of my cul-de-sac. I miss not having to carry other people's burden on my shoulders. I miss being able to eat whatever I wanted and never have to gain a single unwanted pound. I miss having friends that didn't understand what drama was and were always there to play. I miss having the innocence that accompanies childhood that makes you believe every person you meet is good.

At least I've got my big brother on my side. Always has been, always will be.

I was trying to think of a really good story for you guys, but all I really remember are the daily things - going to the zoo, being forced to wear duck raincoats, dressing up for Halloween, hiding from my mom in the clothes rack at Walmart...you know, the good stuff.

What's your favorite childhood memory?