AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!

18 months

+

+

=

MY MISSION

...in Berlin, Germany.

I'M FREAKING OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lesson #59

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1.) Ignorant and stupid Americans.

Hey, folks. As you are all [probably] aware, this is my favorite subject to address because it's by far the most amusing thing to observe, especially on my far right-wing college campus.

Now, I'm not saying that all right-wing peeps are ignorant or stupid, but I am saying that almost all the ignorant and stupid people I know are very right-wing. Don't hate me.

Anyway, amid debt crisis and other notably important events happening in our country recently, I've enjoyed the random and usually unsupported statements that include but are not limited to:

"Obama is single-handedly ruining this country!"

"Our president is the worst president ever!"

"Obama is responsible for all of this! He doesn't know how to run this country!"

May I add, "Do you know how to run this country?"

Didn't think so.

Well, I hate to break it to ya guys. Love him or hate him, Obama doesn't really have anything to do with this debt crisis. In fact, the president's job doesn't really have that great of an impact on the things that go into our daily lives. He commands the military, [sometimes] improves foreign relations, and he can sign or veto bills. He can even create a bill if he wants! But pretty much EVERYTHING ELSE is decided by Congress. You know, those people we call Senators and House Representatives that we're supposed to be voting for every 6 and 2 years that nobody cares about? THEY ARE THE REASON NOTHING HAS BEEN ACCOMPLISHED BECAUSE THEY ARE DEADLOCKED AND REFUSE TO COMPROMISE.

I know you guys need someone to blame all our problems on, but personally, I would blame all the members of Congress and then blame yourself for not taking their role in our country's political system more seriously.

Oh, and get your statements supported by facts. It makes you seem smarter, I promise.

How can you hate this face?

Lesson #58

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1.) Beeeeee yourself.

Alright fools. I've been thinking a lot lately, which is only semi-unusual, and I've decided something really important.

I am Aladdin, minus his manhood and magic carpet.

As shown in the clip above, Aladdin has a hard time trying to be his real self around girls he likes. Or when he's in a situation he's afraid of. Pretty much I think I have the same problem. It's not that I'm not being myself in similar situations, I just have a hard time letting people know what I'm really like sometimes because I know they wouldn't appreciate it. Does that make sense?

My biggest problem in this area is convincing [certain] people that I'm the nicest, most humble person on the planet. People who know me well will get a good kick out of this lovely piece of imagery in their heads, I'm pretty sure. But seriously, it's a problem. I'll meet really nice guys and I know that they'd be totally turned off if they knew what I was really thinking all the time, so I only let the positive vibes flow.

Let's face it, folks. I have great potential to be a gigantic beyotch. I also have great potential to be caring and genuine. As my dentist put it this morning, "You are probably the most unique person I've ever met."

Damn straight. I'm me and I like it that way. Now to break it to some of my friends...

___________

On a side note, please be aware of one of the many conversations I enjoy with my dentist.

Dentist: Why are you making all those weird sounds? You sound like all the kids that come in.

Me: Because you're making me uncomfortable. Duh. Haven't you ever been in this chair?

Dentist: It's not that bad.

Me: Well let's just say I hate having other people in my mouth. That's why I don't have a boyfriend.

Everyone in the office: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Dentist: I can't wait for you to be a missionary.

Lesson #57

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1.) I'm still alive.

Yo all my peeps and all the sheople. I'm still alive, in case you were wondering. Also, I'm still kicking. Really hard. Just ask the 7 guys I've been living with for the past 48 hours.

Anyway, it's been awhile since I've posted and for that I am crying for you on the inside. I know your lives revolve around my advice and blessing upon your heads.

I've got some fresh advice I just pooped out of my brain (which coincidentally comes out your ear...don't know why.)

Here are the latest do's and do not's.

DO have really awesome friends that rub your back and feed you ice cream when you're sad. It's the best medicine.

DO NOT hike the "Subway" at Zions National Park after having taken a 3 month hiatus from any form of exercise. It's excruciating. Also, I almost died. Like 5 times.

DO wear a tank top and shorts whenever appropriate so as to receive a lovely light tan. I'm complemented everyday on my "skin tone" as if I could buy this color in a store. No people, I earned it.

DO NOT travel 7 hours in a car with someone who drives you insane.

DO take me out for Indian food.

DO NOT make me upset.

Alright. That should tie you over until Harry Potter is over.